Today I got a question about the differences between going through a coaching process and visiting a psychologist, and I thought this would be an interesting topic to comment on here. When talking about professions dedicated to help and support, some terms are often confused or blurred, so I would like to explain the main difference as I see it, based on my own experience and what I´ve read and heard from experts, without getting into too much detail or pretending to be in possession of the truth (as I´m not a psychologist).
My understanding is that clinical psychology (or psychotherapy) is mostly focused on analyzing events that happened in the past, especially when involving traumas or disorders, so that the wounds created at that time can heal. In contrast, in coaching we work with the healthy side of the person (and the vast majority of us are healthy, just a bit confused as we walk through life).
Coaching focuses mostly on the present and future: where the person currently is, where they want to go, and how they can make progress to get closer to their goal. We only look back occasionally, and when we do, it´s with the purpose of recovering resources that the person already has and have worked well for them in the past, to see how they can be applied to this new challenge they´re now facing.
This was explained to me using the metaphor of a car, where the windshield is big and wide and lets us see everything that´s in front of us, while the rearview mirrors are much smaller. We can briefly look back when we need to, but the most important thing is to look ahead, and move forward..
But that doesn´t mean that coaching can only happen at a superficial level; quite the opposite. Along the way, provided that the person takes ownership of their process and stays open to digging deep, they will come to realize many things about themselves, and about whatever is really preventing them from making progress in their desired direction, or at the pace they would like. This is not something that happens overnight, it requires a process: first, becoming aware of what's happening to them, and then doing the necessary work to change that situation, knowing that there will be ups and downs as they follow the path, and that the greatest value is not in achieving your goal fast, but in learning and evolving along the way.
Having said all this, I'd like to share a coaching exercise that I often use that looks back at the past in the way I've just explained. It's based on the fact that, when facing a new challenge, we often lack confidence that we´ll be able to achieve it, forgetting we've already achieved a considerable amount of other things in life. We get achievement amnesia. So, the exercise is precisely about remembering them, writing down an achievements list:
- Get pen and paper, and dedicate three minutes to writing down everything you can think of that you have achieved in life. The more things the better, it doesn't matter if they're big or small: from learning to walk or drive to giving birth to a baby, getting a job, moving houses or cooking a nice Spanish omelette (which is somthing I truly admire, because I'm not good at it at all 🙂).
- Once time is up, dedicate another three minutes to writing the skills, abilities and talents that you have and that have enabled to you achieve all these accomplishments.
- Then read out loud your achievements list, together with the list of skills, abilities and talents, and realize how much you can achieve when you set your mind to it.
This exercise also works very well in pairs, where one person writes down what the other person is listing out loud. Limiting the time helps to come up with lots of ideas very quickly, instead of looking for big achievements and overthinking the whole thing. We're not looking for perfection or excellence: we're looking for quantity, a variety of situations that we were able to overcome, goals that we were able to achieve, and of which we can feel proud 🙂
What about you? What do you feel proud of when you look in your life's rearview mirror?