My mother passed away in the early hours of Saturday morning; she was 83 years old. After several years of illness and having spent the last few months in severe pain, she was finally able to depart quietly and peacefully. Her last few days were spent at home, surrounded by her family.
May she rest in peace.
As I´m writing these lines, I can’t help remembering when we said goodbye to my dad , two years ago. The two of them built their life together (a sixty-year-long marriage!), and together, they passed onto my siblings and me their example and a set of values that are staying with us forever, along with our memories of them.
What most stood out about my mum was her positive attitude towards life, which, together with her strength and unconditional faith in doctors, helped her to overcome all kinds of difficulties and health problems as the years went by. Yesterday, friends and acquaintances fondly remembered her smile, joyfulness, and kind ways, which greatly complemented my dad’s seriousness and rectitude. Of course, as her daughter, I also remember the occasional scolding we used to get from her (when we were children and also when we grew up), but I also remember how she used to take care of us and how she worried about us.
Now that I think about it, my mum had a few iconic phrases she regularly said to us that I found really helpful, given my tendency towards becoming a perfectionist, beating myself up for making mistakes and feeling guilty about even the smallest thing when I considered I hadn’t done it right. She would often say them after some criticism from my dad, who was basically Mister Perfect and used to set rather high expectations for us (or maybe we were also setting them high for ourselves).
One was that God didn’t spend His day writing down every single thing we did wrong in a little notebook – frase que tiene bastante mérito, creo yo, viniendo de una época en la que la doctrina católica no se cuestionaba, al menos en España, y todo estaba basado precisamente en la culpa y en el pecado. Otra era que , in this world, there’s a solution to everything, except death, and that if you put your foot in it, then you simply take your foot out, apologise, and that’s it sorted. These two help us to see any problem that may come up with perspective.
But the number one phrase my mum would always say to my siblings and me was this: in this world, nobody is perfect, only God… y no podía evitar añadir: and your father!
Perfect or imperfect, what’s very clear is that my mum was really proud of all of us, as was my dad: first, proud of her children, and in turn, proud of her grandchildren as well, each and every one of them. And her greatest joy and excitement was always getting us all together for a celebration, it didn’t matter which one. Being together was the most important thing.
Now we are the proud ones. We’re proud of her for being our mum / mum-in-law / grandma, and for overcoming everything that was put in front of her, like a true champion, until the day when she decided it was time for her to go.
Farewell, Mum, we love you so much. And as you used to say at the end of our phone calls: lots and lots and lots and lots of kisses.