Exactly nineteen years and two days ago, I arrived in Ireland with the intention to stay. I had visited Dublin a few months before, but this time I was relocating indefinitely; I didn´t have a return ticket to Spain.
Por aquel entonces yo estaba recién casada y llevaba sólo tres años trabajando de informática; podríamos decir que tenía toda la vida por delante. Hasta entonces mi vida había sido bastante previsible, pero aquel era el momento de empezar una nueva aventura… O más bien muchas, una detras de otra. Aventuras casi de todo tipo; unas más previsibles que otras, unas más retadoras que otras, y todas ellas tremendamente enriquecedoras.
I´ve called them adventures, but maybe there´s a better word to define them: transitions.
(I took this photo while spending a lovely evening with my cousins at a beach in county Galway, I can´t remember the name of the beach, sorry)
The Oxford Dictionary defines transition as "the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another"; possible synonyms could be change, move, transformation and metamorphosis.
Interestingly, a few days ago at work (thanks Naval!) information was shared about the importance of transitions in a person´s life. These are some conclusions by Bruce Feiler, author of the book Life Is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age:
- We are likely to experience a new transition every 12-18 months.
- Most transitions take at least three to five years to complete.
- One out of every ten of them becomes a "lifequake" – una especie de terremoto que sacude completamente nuestra vida.
- In the course of our lives we go through three to five of those "lifequakes".
- 53% are involuntary, which includes events like having a spouse cheat on you, losing your job or getting a medical diagnosis.
- 47% are voluntary, which includes you cheating on your spouse, you leaving your job to start a business or you choosing to move to a new country.
Interesting, isn´t it? Now looking back, I can identify a few of those "lifequakes" in my life, and it is true that you feel like your world is crumbling down, or at least, that everything is being shaken within you and around you. It makes you a bit dizzy.
Then little by little, as time goes by, everything starts to fall into place again; you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and end up coming out the other side feeling a bit stronger and also a bit wiser. That´s until next time of course, whether you like it or not, because transitions are an inevitable part of life.
So, what are the things that can help us to endure transitions better, especially the most radical ones? All the available tools and resources around personal development can be really helpful, and if you´ve been reading this blog for a while, hopefully you´ll have already identified a few of them (self-discovery and emotional intelligence are always an excellent starting point, as well as the stoic philosophy, and of course, coaching).
But on top of all those resources, there´s another factor that´s extremely important according to the experts (thanks Luis for this information). As explained by Robert Waldinger in his TED talk, a Harvard study that´s been observing individuals throughout their life (and measuring their happiness levels) for 75 years has resulted in the conclusion that, regardless of socioeconomic level and many other factors, the happiest individuals are, without a doubt, the ones that keep good relationships with other people.
In other words: the quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life. That´s it. As simple as that.
Y no me refiero solamente a la pareja (a la que hoy en día, por cierto, cargamos con demasiadas expectativas); también están los amigos, la familia… En definitiva, el tener una red de seres queridos con quienes compartir tus penas y tus alegrías. Está demostrado que es bueno para la salud mental, emocional y también física.
Volviendo otra vez la vista atrás, me doy cuenta de que para todos y cada uno de esos «lifequakes» tuve la suerte de contar con el amor y el apoyo de mis seres queridos: mi familia y mis amigos. Ellos sintieron mis penas y mis alegrías, me escucharon y me ofrecieron su ayuda, y confiaron en mí aunque no siempre comprendieran o compartieran mis decisiones. Todo eso me ayudó inmensamente a seguir adelante con paso más o menos firme. Y la verdad es que no sé si alguna vez se lo agradecí… MIL GRACIAS a todos, de corazón.
What about you? What "lifequakes" are you facing now, or have you faced recently? And who are you counting on to accompany you along the path, so that the trip gets a little easier?