The other day, my work colleagues and I went out for lunch; we went to a really cool pub near the office (An Poitin Stil, in case you´re curious), and I saw this elephant at the entrance:
(Photo of the statue of a grey elephant, at the entrance of a pub in Rathcoole, Ireland.)
I immediately remembered a metaphor I´m very fond of, one that I´m starting to use quite often when speaking about coaching and personal/professional growth (together with the one about the iceberg, which is still my favourite).
It´s the elephant and rider theory, formulated by psychologist Jonathan Haidt. He puts forward the idea that our conscious mind, that is, our logical and rational side, is like a rider on top of an elephant, and that elephant is our non-consscious mind, that is, our intuitive and emotional side.
The rider believes he´s the one in charge, the one holding the reins, but at the end of the day, the elephant is much stronger and ultimately wins every time. Y todo esto pasa sin que nos demos cuenta… El caso es que la inmensa mayoría de nuestras decisiones no son tan lógicas y racionales como nos gustaría creer: en realidad, son decisiones emotions, and then we justify those decisions rationally after the fact.
Asusta un poco, ¿verdad? Y cuesta reconocerlo. Nosotros que nos creíamos tan listos…
But there´s also a very positive side to this metaphor, and it´s the fact that it explains very well why we find it so hard to make changes and acquire new habits: even if the rider knows for sure where they want to go, if they´re not able to convince and motivate the elephant, they´re not going to be able to move in that direction.
In other words: as long as our goals are not in alignment with our deepest motivations (beliefs, values, identity, etc.), we´re not going to be able to make lasting changes; we´re going to be constantly sabotaging ourselves.
The solution? Befriending the elephant 🙂 Getting to know him as well as possible, learning to understand him and finding ways to collaborate, so that you can join forces and make progress in a way that satisfies your needs as well as theirs.
What about you? How well do you know your elephant? And how well do you get along with him?