The other day, my work colleagues and I went out for lunch; we went to a really cool pub near the office (An Poitin Stil, in case you´re curious), and I saw this elephant at the entrance:

(Photo of the statue of a grey elephant, at the entrance of a pub in Rathcoole, Ireland.)

I immediately remembered a metaphor I´m very fond of, one that I´m starting to use quite often when speaking about coaching and personal/professional growth (together with the one about the iceberg, which is still my favourite).

It´s the elephant and rider theory, formulated by psychologist Jonathan Haidt. He puts forward the idea that our conscious mind, that is, our logical and rational side, is like a rider on top of an elephant, and that elephant is our non-consscious mind, that is, our intuitive and emotional side.

The rider believes he´s the one in charge, the one holding the reins, but at the end of the day, the elephant is much stronger and ultimately wins every time. All of this without us even noticing... The thing is, the vast majority of our decisions are not as logical and rational as we would like to believe: in reality, we decide based on emotions, and then we justify those decisions rationally after the fact.

A bit scary, isn´t it? Hard to admit. And we thought we were so clever...

But there´s also a very positive side to this metaphor, and it´s the fact that it explains very well why we find it so hard to make changes and acquire new habits: even if the rider knows for sure where they want to go, if they´re not able to convince and motivate the elephant, they´re not going to be able to move in that direction.

In other words: as long as our goals are not in alignment with our deepest motivations (beliefs, values, identity, etc.), we´re not going to be able to make lasting changes; we´re going to be constantly sabotaging ourselves.

The solution? Befriending the elephant 🙂 Getting to know him as well as possible, learning to understand him and finding ways to collaborate, so that you can join forces and make progress in a way that satisfies your needs as well as theirs.

What about you? How well do you know your elephant? And how well do you get along with him?