Instinctual Biases: Transmitting

Today we´re finishing our tour around the three instinctual biases in Awareness to Action (ATA) that we started two weeks ago and continued last week (if you don´t know what I´m talking about, I encourage you to start this article series from the beginning, by reading here, here and here).

The third instinctual bias is dedicated to transmitting, and it´s represented with a bright and colourful peacock (even though this particular icon is black and white). What comes to mind when you imagine a peacock unfurling its tail feathers and appearing in all its glory?

Black and white icon of a peacock

The thought of attracting attention may have crossed your mind, and yes, you´re on the right path there. The core theme for the transmitting domain is attracting and bonding, that is, making themselves get noticed and catch people´s attention to be able to transmit something to them, be it their genes (in fact, in traditional Enneagram terms, individuals with this bias are said to have a "sexual instinct") or their ideas, beliefs, values, their point of view or something they have created. They are naturally charismatic individuals who attract attention without consciously seeking it, perhaps through the way they dress, speak, or behave.

From an evolutionary point of view, our ancestors developed certain behaviours to increase their probability of attracting a mate and reproducing, which, at the end of the day, is the same thing the male peacock does when he unfurls his tail feathers and parades in front of the female. But in humans, the concept of transmitting goes way beyond that: not every person with a transmitting bias is seeking to reproduce and have offspring; what they do have in common is a tendency to want to bring a piece of themselves out into the world, and to want to leave their mark, in their own style.

People with a transmitting instinctual bias unknowingly pay a lot of attention, and give a lot of importance, to topics related to:

  • Asserting
    • They´re usually ambitious and self-confident individuals, who go after what they want.
    • They have low levels of inhibition: they don´t feel uneasy about saying or doing whatever is needed in order to achieve their goal.
    • They have higher intensity levels than preservers and navigators, and a tendency towards competitiveness.
  • Broadcasting and narrowcasting
    • Through their charisma, their charm, their appearance and behaviour, they send signals to the group to become the centre of attention, transmitting to their general audience (broadcasting).
    • Once they have secured someone´s attention, or if they´re interested in a particular person, they tend to narrow down and focus exclusively on that person (narrowcasting).
    • In their one-to-one relationships and conversations, they establish a very intense bond, even if it´s brief.
  • Impressing
    • They are individuals who seek to impress, to have a specific impact on those around them.
    • They tend to be really good at influencing and convincing others, both individually and as a group.
    • They usually seek to leave a mark in this world: their legacy, a piece of themselves that gets transmitted to the next generations.

At work, transmitters (that is, individuals with a transmitting instinctual bias) are usually good at presenting and promoting their projects or products, as well as promoting themselves. They tend to be great salespeople and charismatic leaders, who know how to convince, inspire and paint a vision for the future that guides and energises the team, moving things forward.

Let´s remember once more that the instinctual biases are essentially systems of values that point to what we consider most important in life, and in consequence, push us to prioritise certain things over others. But this doesn´t mean that transmitters are always transmitting non-stop, or navigators navigating, or preservers preserving. These patterns are helpful because they uncover general tendencies that are observable throughout time, independently of specific points in time, because we all do a bit of everything at different moments, and nobody does the same all the time.

Something else we also need to take into account is that certain stages in life are very closely related to one of the instinctual domains, causing us to temporarily focus more on that domain, even if it´s not the most natural one for us. For example:

  • The teenage years are decidedly navigating: our parents are no longer our main reference; now it´s our friends and classmates, and we spend (or want to spend) a lot more time with them than with our family.
  • Later on, when the moment comes to start our professional career and look for a sentimental partner, we get into a phase that´s much more transmitting: we go out into the world to show what we have.
  • And further down the line, the child-rearing years bring about a significant amount of preserving: it´s time to tend to the nest, to make sure our offspring is well cared for and can grow safely without lacking anything.

As you can see, this topic of the instinctual biases, which may seem very simple, and in a way, it is, is also full of nuances worth taking the time to explore and observe. The good news is that it also has loads of practical applications. In a future article, we´ll talk about how the three domains arrange themselves in order of priority according to the dominant bias, and how all of this shows up in our day-to-day, at home and at work.

But for the moment, what are your thoughts on this description of the transmitting bias? Does it resonate with you? Once again, I encourage you to observe yourself during the week, and see how much time and attention you dedicate to behaviours typically associated with this domain.

Instinctual Biases: Navigating

Let´s continue our tour around the instinctual biases in Awareness to Action (ATA) that we started last week (if you don´t know what I´m talking about, I encourage you to start this article series from the beginning, by reading here, here and here).

Today, we´re going to focus on the instinctual domain dedicated to navigating, and the animal we use to represent it in this case is a monkey, perhaps a chimpanzee:

Black and white icon of a monkey

But why a chimpanzee? Let me give you a clue: in traditional Enneagram terms, individuals with this bias are said to have a "social instinct". The core theme for the navigating domain is orienting to the group: they pay attention to people and people dynamics, and they seek to be with other people, to belong to a group and position themselves within it. Monkeys and chimpanzees are highly social animals: they spend a lot of time interacting with each other, and their groups feature quite complex social rules, so they serve as a great metaphor to represent this instinctual domain.

Us, humans, at the end of the day, are not that far from the other primates, and living in society is also a basic psychobiological need for us. Our ancestors organised themselves in tribes or clans in order to protect each other, hunt together, defend themselves from predators or enemy tribes... For them, belonging to the group was fundamental, for being left out, in many cases, could mean their death.

People with a navigating instinctual bias unknowingly pay a lot of attention, and give a lot of importance, to topics related to:

  • Trust and reciprocity
    • They focus on exchanging information, sharing what they know and asking questions to discover how the group works, their customs, their rules...
    • They observe individuals to find out whether they can be trusted.
    • They look for group coherence and reciprocity ("I help you today, and tomorrow you may help me").
  • Identity and status
    • They like being surrounded by people, and, in general, belonging to groups (though sometimes also observing them from outside).
    • They seek to understand where each person fits into the group, and more importantly, where they fit in, often positioning themselves intentionally.
    • They´re very attuned to how they are perceived by the group, and sometimes they tend to also judge others according to the group´s rules.
  • Power and influence dynamics
    • They strive to understand how the group functions, who´s in charge, where everyone is in the hierarchy, who can be helpful to them...
    • They´re usually good at establishing relationships, collaborating and building alliances.
    • They´re naturally sociable, but at the same time, as they´re concerned about their reputation, they tend to be careful when sharing information about themselves.

Do you get the idea? Let´s remember that this is only one of the many dimensions of human personality, and it can manifest in as many ways as humans there are on the planet. For example, there are individuals with a navigating bias who are rarely at home and spend their days doing a million social activities (there´s a very Spanish expression for this, se apuntan a un bombardeo, as in, they´re up for anything), while others may prefer belonging to fewer groups, or staying on the sidelines and observing people around them, or perhaps watching the news, or movies, shows, documentaries or books about interesting people. The key point is identifying where our energy and attention go most naturally, and how we employ our free time when there´s nothing urgent to do.

At work, navigators (that is, individuals with a navigating instinctual bias) are usually very good at "reading the room", interpreting what´s happening in a room without anybody saying anything. They mainly focus on interpersonal communications, group dynamics and what we could call politics (working relationships, securing support, finding allies...)

What are your thoughts on this description of the navigating bias? Does it resonate with you? Like last week, I encourage you to observe yourself for a few days, and see how much time and attention you tend to dedicate to navigating topics.

Instinctual Biases: Preserving

This is the continuation of a series or articles dedicated to the Awareness to Action (ATA) model, a methodology to support personal and professional growth, created by Mario Sikora and developed in collaboration with his business partner, Maria José Munita.

In the next weeks and months, we´re going to explore the main elements of this model, starting with the three instinctual biases (preserving, navigating and transmitting) and continuing with the nine Enneagram strategies, represented by numbers from one to nine. If you have ever asked yourself: why am I like this? (or why other people are the way they are, and why we don´t understand each other sometimes), then I´m sure this will be of interest to you, so keep reading!

(Having said that, if you haven´t read the previous articles in this series yet, my advice would be to start here, here and here.)

Note: out of the two dimensions of the Enneagram, the instinctual biases are the least well-known, and different schools and traditions give them a slightly different name, like "instinctual variants", or simply "instincts". In these articles, I´m always going to follow the ATA nomenclature, although I will do my best to also mention other terms for reference, and explain how the concepts differ slightly from those in the most traditional approaches to the Enneagram.

Out of the three instinctual domains, the first one we´re going to see is preserving, and the squirrel is a great metaphor to explain what it represents. What comes to mind when you imagine a little squirrel, industriously storing away food for the winter?

Black and white icon of a squirrel holding an acorn

The core theme for the preserving domain is nesting and nurturing: making sure both I and "my people" (my family, my close circle) have what is necessary not only to survive, but to live comfortably and have a chance to thrive. In other schools, this domain is called "self-preservation instinct", but in reality, the concept is broader: the nurturing and search for wellbeing are not limited to just me, but also extend to the people I share "the nest" with (my household, my team at work, etc.)

Let´s remember that these three instinctual domains are areas of life for which we have inherited a number of evolutionary adaptations that helped our ancestors survive and reproduce. We all pay attention to all three domains, but in different ways: there´s one that we non-consciously give a disproportionately high priority to, and that´s the one that determines our instinctual bias, generating certain ways of thinking, feeling and behaving that follow distinctive patterns for that specific bias.

Evolutionarily speaking, the idea behind preserving is quite clear: if we think about the prehistoric men and women that we all descend from, it´s easy to understand how their first priority was to survive, as they lived in much simpler times than our own, but also much more uncertain and dangerous times.

People with a preserving instinctual bias (among which I count myself) unknowingly pay a lot of attention, and give a lot of importance, to topics related to:

  • Safety and security
    • They prefer familiar and well-known environments, where they feel safe.
    • They seek to form a support network with several trusted persons, so that they can help each other.
    • They tend to avoid getting exposed or risking too much.
  • Wellbeing and resources
    • They highly value comfort (including physical comfort: not being too hot or too cold, wearing comfortable clothes, etc.)
    • They make sure they have enough resources: food, clothes, a home to live in, financial resources...
    • They worry about their health, and the health of their people.
  • Maintenance
    • They tend to "the nest" so that it continues to be comfortable, safe and welcoming.
    • They notice when something needs fixing or repairing (doesn´t mean they´re necessarily good at doing the fixing...)
    • They usually also want to maintain traditions, continue to do things the way they´ve always been done.

All of these, of course, are generalisations, which manifest in different ways depending on the person and are influenced by many other aspects of personality, starting with the nine Enneagram strategies. But it is true that there are general tendencies that stay over time, as years go by, and that´s what we need to watch out for, as opposed to just looking at specific behaviours at a certain point in time (because we all do a little bit of everything, and nobody does the same all the time).

At work, preservers (that is, individuals with a preserving instinctual bias) are usually very good at developing processes, creating structures, organising tasks... They´re generally methodical people, who manage resouces well, identify potential risks and take measures to avoid them. They like stable and predictible environments, without big changes.

What do you think of this description of the preserving bias? Does it resonate with you? I encourage you to observe yourself this week, and see how much time and attention you dedicate to preserving tasks on a daily basis.

Giving and receiving

Today I´m writing these lines from Madrid, my second home, where I´m very fortunate to be able to stay once in a while. I´m allowing myself the luxury of enjoying a few days doing things that are important but not urgent.

One of those things, for example, was having lunch today with a few classmates from the Master´s degree we finished four years ago. And a really interesting topic of conversation came up: the importance of finding the balance between giving and receiving,

Because we often place a lot of focus on giving, and we´re giving from the heart, with our best intentions, but... how good are we at receiving? How much do we allow ourselves to receive?

(Painting seen in the streets of Dublin city a few months ago, with the title Heart FM. Interestingly, this was the flip side just behind the drawing from last week, Brain FM.)

Here are a few quotes to reflect on this topic:

Gracious acceptance is an art — an art which most never bother to cultivate.
We think that we have to learn how to give, but we forget to also receive,
which can be much harder than giving….
Accepting another person’s gift is allowing him to express his feelings for you.

Alexander McCall Smith

Until we can receive with an open heart, we’re never really giving with an open heart.
When we attach judgement to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgement to giving help.”

Brené Brown

When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully
everyone is blessed.

Maya Angelou

Thanks a million, Laura, Miriam, Lara and Alicia for our time together today; I really enjoyed it. You have reminded me once more that personal development work never ends, and that it involves not only contributing as much as we can, but also accepting, being grateful for, and enjoying all the good things that life brings us, now and in the future.

What about you? What is it that you´re not allowing yourself to accept and receive?

Untranslatable words: like-minded

Today, I present to you a hyphenated English word that I really like, and that I´m including in the category of untranslatables (according to my particular definition of the term) because its translation into Spanish seems quite clumsy to me, compared to the original.

It´s the adjective like-minded, which is almost always followed by person or people, an expression that can be translated as "persona(s) con ideas afines". In other words: people who, in one way or another, think similarly to you.

And even though it´s true that it´s very dangerous to ONLY surround yourself with people who think like you (a problem that is unfortunately very present these days, making us move backwards as a society instead of progressing forward), having friends and colleagues who share your hobbies and interests in specific topics is very beneficial to learn together, share ideas and encourage each other to continue to grow.

(Painting seen in the streets of Dublin city a few months ago, with the title Brain FM.)

This weekend, I had the pleasure of meeting in person with a colleague I consider part of my Enneagram "tribe" (or, I should rather say, my clan: Awareness to Action). And together we attended the annual conference hosted by Enneagram Alive, a tremendous opportunity to meet other Enneagram practitioners scattered around Ireland, the UK and a few other corners of Europe. It was a day for sharing, learning, exchanging impressions and contrasting approaches, all in a relaxed and friendly atmosphere. Thanks a million to the organisers for such an engaging day, and most of all, thanks, Pawel, for letting me know about the event and coming to Dublin to participate live!

What about you? What groups and communities of like-minded people are you part of that encourage you to share ideas and grow?

Resting

After three pretty intense weeks back into the school year routine, this weekend it was time for me to have some rest, to gather my strength again and prevent tiredness from taking its toll on my body.

Although on Friday I could not pass on the opportunity to drop by Culture Night (the equivalent to "la noche en blanco" in Madrid and other cities), which is one my favourite evenings of the year in Ireland. Only this time, instead of going to Dublin city centre, I walked to the nearby village of Lucan, where there were also several events programmed, including the art exhibition where I found this lovely painting:

(Painting by Stephen Dowling, @stephendowlingart on Instagram.)

Like I´ve already mentioned on this blog, I generally find it difficult to stop and take a break to rest, even though I´ve been learning to manage that better, for my own sake and also for my family. Because sometimes we forget that we cannot become the best version of ourselves if we´re constantly exhausted... Our performance is not the same, and our relationships are not the same, and we don´t have any energy left to do anything other than survive.

There´s a quote that I really like that I think illustrates this idea very well; according to Google, it´s attributed to both American general George S. Patton and American football coach Vince Lombardi:

Fatigue makes cowards of us all.

What thoughts come to your mind as you read this phrase? You´ve probably also experienced this in some shape or form: feeling that you don´t have the energy to tackle a project or make a big life change, no matter how much you´d like to do it in theory. But maybe you never thought of connecting that directly to your habitual state of tiredness, or maybe you thought that your tiredness was only temporary, and that, miraculously, tomorrow, or next month, you´ll have more energy (or more time, which is another side of the same problem) and you´ll be able to get on to it.

Because the other thing at play here is that chronic tiredness is completely normalised in our society these days, as is filling up all our waking hours with activities, be it work, learning or leisure. If you bump into someone in the street and ask them how they´re doing, chances are they will answer that they´re very busy, and you will think that that´s completely normal. But by keeping this up, we´re not doing ourselves any favours, because, even though staying constantly occupied makes us feel like we´re being "productive", in reality we may be doing no more than spinning round and round in the hamster wheel, without making any progress or arriving anywhere new.

So today, I invite you to reflect on this topic for a little while: what project or life change are you postponing because you don't feel you have the energy? Try incorporating more REST into your daily life (by the way, watching TV or scrolling social media don´t count as rest!) and I can assure you you will notice the difference.

Windows to the world

Earlier this week, I heard something on the radio that I found interesting: it was about how young people nowadays believe you can learn more about how a person really is from the books they own than from their social media profile. What do you think of that?

I´m not well-versed in social media, so on that side, I prefer not to give an opinion, beyond repeating the usual argument that says that social media only shows us a minuscule portion of a person´s life, often carefully selected, and never telling the whole story, not even remotely.

On the topic of books, I can comment a bit more. As I´ve probably told you already, I grew up in a family with many, many books at home, and throughout my life, I´ve spent countless hours reading; it´s a habit I´ve been progressively losing, unfortunately, and that I want to resume... But anyway, we could say I also inherited that soft spot for reading, and I´ve done my best to pass it on to my daughters as well.

(Sign seen in a well-known department store in Madrid, El Corte Inglés: "Each book is a window to the world. Come and have a look.")

This summer, I spent time decluttering some of my father´s books, and it is true that they reflected many of his interests: politics, history, art... But I think the key is not that they were his books, precisely, but simply that they were his things, the things he chose to have in his home, because he liked them and used them regularly. For my father, reading was a really important part of daily life; for others, it will be other things.

So maybe I would slightly rephrase that comment to say that you can learn more about how a person really is by visiting their home, or their room: the place they consider theirs and that they make their own, inadvertently making it reflect their character and preferences. In our house, there are many books, yes, but there are also games and many other things that reflect the way we are and what is important to us.

They say a book is a window to the world; perhaps the window to a person is not their social media, but the place where they live and are allowed to be themselves.

Challenge upon challenge

OK, first week of September done! How did it go for you?

If you remember, last week I set up a 30 day challenge for myself, and I committed to giving you updates on my progress (which is an amazing trick to increase the chances of success).

Well, I realised it was enough of a challenge just to get back to a full week of our daily routine, including full-time schedules at school (primary and secondary) and in the office, plus welcoming guests over the weekend (thanks to my cousins for coming!) Even with all that, I got off to a really good start (as it´s often the case), dedicating time to different kinds of exercise every day: walking, yoga, rowing machine... It was all going swimmingly, and then on Thursday I got swamped and didn´t have the chance to make time for exercising.

If you´ve ever done a challenge of this type, or you´ve established (or tried to establish) a new habit, you´ve probably bumped into this problem as well: what happens if, for whatever reason, you skip a day? Is it time to throw it all away?

We may have a natural tendency to think this way, in absolute terms (or we could also say, honouring this blog´s title, in binary terms): all or nothing, black or white. If you haven´t managed to finish the whole thing, then it´s as if you hadn´t done anything at all... Our brain makes these simplifications in order to save energy,, and also because it doesn´t like uncertainty at all, so it looks for a categorical response (and if it can´t find one, it makes it up). According to this supersimplified reasoning, skipping one day equates to failing; there´s nothing more you can do, the 30-day streak is broken, so you´d better throw in the towel.

But there are other ways to think about the same situation that are equally valid and way more productive, encouraging us to continue to make progress instead of pulling us down into shame:

  • For example, I could choose to remember the fact that I´ve been able to exercise intentionally on six days out of seven, which is much much higher than what I would have been able to achieve if I hadn´t been participating in the challenge.
  • I could also give myself at least some credit for staying more active in general, going up and down the stairs in the office, going outdoors for walks more often, etc.
  • I could even congratulate myself for at least having started a several-day streak, and for resuming it after the day I skipped.

If you think about it, even Duolingo forgives you when you skip a day of practice! Basically, because they know that us humans are not perfect, and that these things happen; staying constant is quite difficult.

(Sign seen in Dundrum shopping centre last year, with a quote from Seth Godin: "The only thing worse than starting something and faliing... is not starting something.")

We could also go one step further, and take the opportunity to look inside and investigate what may be behind that small "failure": what´s the real reason why I wasn´t able to meet my commitment? Am I aligning my daily priorities with what I consider important in my life? In which way may I be sabotaging myself?

And here is where being familiar with our personality patterns proves to be tremendously helpful, allowing us to hit the nail on the head and find the reasons why we do a lot of the things we do, as well as explain those contradictions that drive us (or our loved ones) crazy sometimes. This is what is going to determine the difference between continuing to stumble on the same stone again and again or finally getting to understand the path and have an easier journey.

So, are you up for it? Have a look at the services page, contact me , and let´s talk about it.

30-day challenge

What are your thoughts on 30-day challenges? Have you ever done one?

Now that September is about to start, it´s a very good time to consider doing one (and I just realised I wrote practically the same thing two years ago, when I was doing the challenge with 30 quotes in 30 days).

(Photo of the September page in my kitchen calendar at home.)

This year, at work, we´ve been encouraged to set a challenge for ourselves in September, somehow including the number 30, to commemorate the 30th anniversary of our company opening its first office in Ireland. I chose something (hopefully) as simple as exercising for a little while every day of the month; let´s see how it goes, I´ll let you know.

By the way, this "I´ll let you know" bit is not trivial at all: now that I´ve made a commitment in front of you all to exercise 30 days in a row, and that I´m going to have to tell you every week whether I´ve done it or not, I´ve just considerably raised the probabilities of me continuing with the challenge and completing it. Being accountable to another person is a fabulous trick to stay motivated.

But why? Because our brain finds it really hard to see the possible benefits of a healthy habit, as they´re only noticeable in the long term, and our brain is programmed to help us to survive in the short term. That´s why we would much rather lie on the sofa, conserving energy, than get up and go to the gym...

However, if staying on the sofa is going to bring along the embarrassment of having to admit in front of others that we haven´t kept our promise of going to the gym, then everything changes: the consequence, a punishment in this case, is a lot more immediate and tangible.

So I encourage you to use this trick to your advantage whenever you want to establish a new habit: let everybody know, and you´ll see how you end up doing it, if you don´t want to die of embarrassment! Or if not everybody, then at least let one person know; this is what we call an accountability partner, an English term that doesn´t seem to have a good translation into Spanish (one more for the list of untranslatables); the closest to this idea would be un compañero al que rendirle cuentas. And if your partner is also working on the same challenge, even better; you can hold each other accountable, and both of you will benefit.

So, what´s going to be your challenge for the month of September? And who´s going to be your accountability partner?

Untranslatable expressions: to pack light

It´s been a while since I last dedicated a blog article to a phrase or expression from those that I call untranslatables, not exactly because they´re impossible to translate, but because they lose a lot of their charm (let´s say, their elegance) when translated from English into Spanish or vice versa.

Today´s expression is to pack light, and the problem here is not the word light, which directly translates as "ligero/a", but with the verb to pack, which in this context has a translation that´s long and clumsy, at least in the version of Spanish we use in Spain: "hacer las maletas" (in other versions of Spanish there´s the word empacar, which is shorter, yes, but sounds super weird to me).

In my opinion, the translation that best conveys the idea behind to pack light is "ligero de equipaje", and in both languages, the meaning goes beyond the mere act of packing: it refers to a way of travelling, and ultimately, to a philosophy of life.

(Picture I once hurriedly took of a person I saw in the street, or rather, of their bag. I loved that little drawing of the line going all over the place, anywhere but straight ahead, as a metaphor of the journey of life; it reminded me of the image I used a few years ago in this article.)

I admit I have never been a person who packs light, and I profoundly admire those who are able to. Even though I´d like to think I´ve improved slightly over the years, deep down I´m still the queen of "just-in-case"... So when it´s time to pack, I´m inevitably assaulted by doubts, and I lean too much towards the side of caution, which almost always results in me packing a lot more stuff than I actually need, with the corresponding extra load (both physical and emotional) associated to it.

All of this is coming to my head now because this weekend I´m travelling with the girls, one last little escapade before going back to school, and unsurprisingly, I filled up my suitcase almost to the top, while they had tons of free space in theirs! They could even have shared suitcases. I have A LOT to learn from them.

But there´s also another way to think about the concept of "packing light", and it´s in relation to our emotional baggage: all that weight we carry around, consciously or unconsciously (judgement, guilt, resentment...) that we would really benefit from getting rid of. That weight is not going to magically disappear, no matter how much we try to cover it or look the other way. But it can be lightened quite a lot through deep work involving awareness and personal growth.

What are your thoughts on this? Are you already travelling light? Or are you carrying a lot more than what you need?