(This article is a follow-up from the ones published in previous weeks, episodes 0, 1, 2, 3 and 4, and more episodes will be published in the upcoming weeks)

Have you ever seen the source code written for a computer program or mobile app? There are many different IT programming languages, which are basically ways of giving machines instructions in a format they can understand. Each program or application is a list of step-by-step instructions showing the device what to do to accomplish a particular task.And many of those steps are related to the functions of processing information coming from the external world (either the internet or the user, who interacts with the system through buttons, the keyboard, the microphone...), storing that information in memory, and representing it through the screen, the speakers, etc.

We could argue that we humans have something similar to instructions stored in our brains, in the shape of filters with which we process the perceptions of reality that we receive from the outer world through our senses. Our conscious mind receives millions and millions of information bits per second, and it wouldn't be able to absorb such a relentless flow of incoming data as is, so our brain builds filters that automatically select and simplify the most relevant parts of the information, which allows us to make sense of the world around us and interact appropriately with it.

These filters are essential for our survival and tremendously helpful in general, but they can also very often play against us if we are unaware of them. This is because our mind is made to work with patterns, and while it's in the process of simplifying all the information coming from the senses, it builds patterns that generalize, distort and omit parts of our perception of reality..

And how does it do that? Through language. The "programming language" we humans use is literally our language, as in our words. It's what we use to communicate with each other and convey ideas, but also internally to think and make sense of the concepts in our minds.

The neuro-linguistic programming identifies those generalization, distortion and omission patterns as part of what it calls the meta-model. The meta-model explains how each pattern can create ambiguities that hinder our capacity to understand our current situation, limiting our options when dealing with it.

These meta-model patterns are present in our everyday life; As we start paying attention to our internal and external dialogue, we'll discover that we use them very frequently. And it's usually OK for our language to contain a certain level of ambiguity; it's our natural way of communicating, and it would be exhausting if we had to be precise and exact at every single moment. But there are occasions when being more precise can be really beneficial, like when we're ruminating about something, looking for a solution to a problem or trying to overcome a challenge.

Let me give you an extreme example: if I think and say: "my life is a disaster", that sentence is so vague that it gives me a sense of overwhelm, so I end up feeling that I can't do anything to fix the issue, I don't even know where to start. In contrast, if I think and say: "I feel sad because I just had an argument with my partner", that sentence is a lot more specific, more tangible, and it clearly expresses what the problem is, which makes it a lot easier to try and find ways to tackle it.

Now, let's look at a few examples of generalizations, distortions and omissions, some tips on how to recognize them, and what to do when we find one. The key point is always to try and minimize ambiguity as much as possible, "filling in the blanks" with explicit words instead of leaving room for interpretation; this way we get a lot more clarity on the situation.

Generalizations

• Symptom – Using absolute words: everything, nothing, always, never...
• What to do? – Question if that general rule applies in all cases.
• Examples:
  • I need to continue in this job.
  • It's impossible to get rich quickly.
  • They're all against me.
  • I can't change.
  • I'm always last.
  • I never get to do things my way..

From this group, the easiest ones to catch are "always" and "never" - you can ask my daughters, I´m sure they´ll agree 🙂

Distortions

• Symptom – Arriving to conclusions by taking things for granted.
• What to do? – Shed light onto whatever is being assumed.
• Examples:
  • Your dad doesn't understand me
  • You didn't call yesterday, you don't love me...
  • That woman's voice gives me headache
  • Which one are you going to clean first, the bathroom or the kitchen?

This last formula is a powerful one to use on purpose, for example, to give your kids options but within the parameters that you decide (what kind of fruit are you going to eat, apple or banana?), or even to motivate ourselves – there´s no option not to clean!

Omissions

• Symptom – Missing information or using abstract words.
• What to do? – Specify what's missing, and make it concrete.
• Examples:
  • There's no solution for this.
  • His attitude annoys me.
  • You need to drink eight glasses of water every day
  • People gossip a lot.
  • You can do it better.
  • I have a problem.

The idea here is to keep asking so that whatever was left unsaid finally comes up. What exactly? According to whom? Better than what?

What do you think about all these patterns? Are they clear to you? Try to "catch yourself" using them this week, you'll be surprised to see how often they appear...