Last week, during an Enneagram class, we had a really interesting conversation about the relationship each of us has with the concept of power.

What thoughts cross your mind when you hear the word "power"?

We often associate it with negative ideas, don´t we? Oppression, abusiveness, forcing others to obey... And as a result, we may develop the belief that power is something bad, something we shouldn´t have, or seek. 

But it doesn´t have to be like that. 

The truth is, power is just the capacity to produce a result (thanks Mario for that definition), that is, to move things forward the way we want. 

Thankfully, we all have the power to achieven things in life, even though sometimes we don´t know how to do it, or where to begin. We have the power to change, and by changing ourselves, we change our circumstances and influence our environment.

(Artefact seen at the S. S. Nomadic steam ship, next to the Titanic museum in Belfast. It was used to control the amount of power used to make the ship move forward or turn.

Now, this is not something that happens magically or overnight: changing requires work and conscious effort; it requires time, paatience and perseverance. And above all, it requires something that we may find quite difficult: leaving all excuses aside and taking charge of our life, once and for all. 

Today I was reminded of a phrase that says: "what you´re not changing, you´re choosing" (thanks, Orla! According to Google, this quote is by Laurie Buchanan). A bit radical, isn´t it? But very true.

Even more radical is this other idea by Erica Jong, from which I was familiar with the last sentence, but not the whole paragraph:

No one to blame! That was why most people led lives they hated, with people they hated. How wonderful to have someone to blame! How wonderful to live with one's nemesis! You may be miserable, but you feel forever in the right. You may be fragmented, but you feel absolved of all the blame for it. Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.

Oh, how easy it is for us sometimes to blame others, or life, for our circumstances, without acknowledging how we contributed to creating that situation. The good news is that, once we break the habit of blaming others, we also break the habit of feeling at their mercy, and we recover the power over our own lifeeven though it initially feels uncomfortable. This is also a task that requires effort and conscious intention, and more importantly, a lot of self-compassion; for once we realise how we got to the point where we are ,and we stop blaming others for it, what we often do is blame ourselves. And that, instead of helping us, can be paralysing and bring us down even more.

But, as a good friend once said to me (thanks, Hernán): don´t look at it in terms of blame and guilt, but in terms of responsibility. You came this far by doing your best with the information and resources that you had at each moment. Now that you know a little bit more, it´s up to you to make better decisions and acquire better resources that take you (or at least get you closer) to the results you want.

the moment you accept total responsibility for everything in your life
is the moment you claim the power
to change anything in your life.

Hal Elrod

Now that you know it, are you willing to start using your power, without excuses and leaving guilt to one side? If you´d like to acquire resources that help you to achieve what you´re looking for, have a look at my services page.