This week, making the most of the good weather we´re having, I went for several walks, either by myself or accompanied (thanks, Helen!). And during one of those walks, I got to see this beautiful tree again, a tree I´ve photographed a few times already:
Interestingly, a couple of days later (in the most unexpected place, a shopping centre), I bumped into a quote also on the topic of trees:
Be like a tree, stay grounded. Connect with your roots. Turn over a new leaf. Bend before you break. Enjoy your unique natural beauty. Keep growing.
Joanne Raptis
What do you think? What´s your favourite line?
Each of these thoughts deserves its own article, and maybe one day I´ll sit down to write them all. What I´ve also been wanting to write for years is a post entitled roots and wings. For the moment, though, if you feel like reading more, there´s also this one: like branches of a tree.
Yesterday, the girls and I went to the cinema to watch Inside Out 2, which in Spain is translated as Del Revés 2. Being such a massive fan of the first movie, I was sure I was going to like the second one as well 🙂
(If you want to know more about the first movie and the emotions featured in it, you can read here and here).
This is a photo of a little canvas bag I found in a shop a few years ago that I thought was very funny: it's literally "a mixed bag of emotions" (the wordplay doesn't translate as well into Spanish). The "mixed bag" expression conveys a combination of good and bad things; to me, it's a reminder that we all go through moments where there's a mix of emotions inside of us, some of which are more pleasant to us than others.
OK, back to the new movie. I don´t want to give you too many spoilers, though if you´ve seen the trailers, you probably have a pretty good idea of what it is about: our friend Riley has just turned thirteen, and as she becomes a teenager, everything gets more complicated, with new and unpredictable emotions...
Once again, I believe the artists from Pixar have masterfully represented through symbols what happens inside the human mind, explaining the workings of that mental and emotional rollercoaster that gets us inevitably carried away sometimes, especially during our teenage years. Then the story takes it a step further, entering the realm of beliefs and how they get formed and established as we grow up.
I´m going to take a risk here and tell you the message I took away from this movie; I´m not sure whether it´s the one intended by the screenwriters: after the first part put a lot of emphasis on the idea that all emotions are necessary and must be given their space, the second part tells us about the importance of accepting both what we like and what we don´t like about ourselves and about what happens to us.
Acknowledging the parts we consider positive and the ones we perceive as negative; the light and the shadow. Because we are all full of contradictions, and much like we have strengths, we also have weaknesses, not because there´s anything wrong with us that needs to be hidden or fixed, but because that´s how human beings work. We each have our own burden, and accepting and integrating whatever we find along the way is the key to being able to grow, mature and evolve as a person.
What about you? Have you watched the movie already? If so, what did you get out of it? And if not, what are you waiting for?
If you´re into productivity and personal development, then you´ve probably seen multiple times a matrix that´s used to categorize tasks based on their level of urgency and importance (and if you haven´t, I encourage you to search for it, it´s called the Eisenhower matrix, and it´s a great tool to help establish priorities).
Well, let me say that this week, I´ve had the luxury of dedicating my time to truly important things, not necessarily urgent ones.
Things that matter.
People who matter.
Moments, places and memories that matter.
No, I haven´t been spending my days doing jigsaws. This photo is not recent; it was taken a few months ago.
This jigsaw was a birthday present from my daughters, and it took us a couple of weeks to finish it; we all collaborated. I´m showing it here as an example of the idea I´m trying to convey to you: intentionally dedicating time to people and things that truly matter. For, as you´ve probably been able to verify, when you don´t set an intention, the urgent things (regardless of whether they´re important or not) end up consuming all your available time.
But the thing is, how do you find out what truly matters? The key to this is that the answer is not the same for everyone; it will be slightly different for each person because everyone´s priorities and preferences are different, even though there are certain more or less universal themes we can all relate to.
At the end of the day, it´s all about identifying our values: the fundamental principles we consider most important, the ones that guide us in our day-to-day decisionsEach of us needs to decide which values best suit us based on who we really are and what we want to experience and foster in our lives. This often involves reflecting on whether we´d like to keep the values we inherited from our family or society or add, remove, or change some of them.
The reward for doing this work of clarifying our values is being able to make more conscious and consistent decisions, as well as realizing when we're getting into an internal conflict, for example, when we hold contradictory values (either inherited or acquired) that put us in a crossroads situation, or when we act in a way that satisfies others, or that´s theoretically "the right thing to do", but that somehow violates our core values and makes us feel bad. Acting in alignment with our values allows us to live in peace with ourselves..
Ready to start? Here´s a very straightforward yet powerful exercise:
Search for a values list (the internet has loads) and choose the ones that most resonate with you, between five and ten.
You can ask yourself: What´s been most important in your life? What´s most important now? What else?
Write them down in a list format.
Those are going to be your core values.
You can ask yourself: What needs to happen for me to feel that this value is being fulfilled in my life? What needs not to happen? Am I making it easy or difficult for me to fulfil this value?
Establish a value hierarchy, that is, put them in order of priority.
This step is essential to be able to make clear decisions when two or more values are in conflict.
A way to do this is to compare them two by two, writing a line next to the value you consider most important in each case: comparing the first one with the second one, the first one with the third one, the first one with the fourth one, and so on; then the second one with the third one, the second one with the fourth one, etc., until all of them have been compared to all of them.
If you find it hard to decide, consider specific examples or extreme situations. For example, if you´re comparing freedom to harmony, would you rather live in a world where everyone is free but without harmony at all? Or in a harmonious world where nobody is free?
Rewrite your list, numbering the values.
Place the value with the most lines first, then the second one after it, and so on until the end.
Review your list and double check you´re happy with it.
Does it resonate with you as it is? Does it feel yours? Or does it need changes?
I hope these steps help you to clarify your values; you may even surprise yourself. Also, if you want, feel free to contact me and I´ll tell you what´s on my own list...
My mother passed away in the early hours of Saturday morning; she was 83 years old. After several years of illness and having spent the last few months in severe pain, she was finally able to depart quietly and peacefully. Her last few days were spent at home, surrounded by her family.
May she rest in peace.
As I´m writing these lines, I can’t help remembering when we said goodbye to my dad , two years ago. The two of them built their life together (a sixty-year-long marriage!), and together, they passed onto my siblings and me their example and a set of values that are staying with us forever, along with our memories of them.
What most stood out about my mum was her positive attitude towards life, which, together with her strength and unconditional faith in doctors, helped her to overcome all kinds of difficulties and health problems as the years went by. Yesterday, friends and acquaintances fondly remembered her smile, joyfulness, and kind ways, which greatly complemented my dad’s seriousness and rectitude. Of course, as her daughter, I also remember the occasional scolding we used to get from her (when we were children and also when we grew up), but I also remember how she used to take care of us and how she worried about us.
Now that I think about it, my mum had a few iconic phrases she regularly said to us that I found really helpful, given my tendency towards becoming a perfectionist, beating myself up for making mistakes and feeling guilty about even the smallest thing when I considered I hadn’t done it right. She would often say them after some criticism from my dad, who was basically Mister Perfect and used to set rather high expectations for us (or maybe we were also setting them high for ourselves).
One was that God didn’t spend His day writing down every single thing we did wrong in a little notebook - I believe this phrase has its merits, coming from the time when Catholic doctrine was never questioned, at least in Spain, and everything was based precisely on guilt and sin. Another one was that , in this world, there’s a solution to everything, except death, and that if you put your foot in it, then you simply take your foot out, apologise, and that’s it sorted. These two help us to see any problem that may come up with perspective.
But the number one phrase my mum would always say to my siblings and me was this: in this world, nobody is perfect, only God… and she couldn’t help adding: and your father!
Perfect or imperfect, what’s very clear is that my mum was really proud of all of us, as was my dad: first, proud of her children, and in turn, proud of her grandchildren as well, each and every one of them. And her greatest joy and excitement was always getting us all together for a celebration, it didn’t matter which one. Being together was the most important thing.
Now we are the proud ones. We’re proud of her for being our mum / mum-in-law / grandma, and for overcoming everything that was put in front of her, like a true champion, until the day when she decided it was time for her to go.
Farewell, Mum, we love you so much. And as you used to say at the end of our phone calls: lots and lots and lots and lots of kisses.
English (UK) 
Español