Tomorrow is New Year´s Eve! Have you prepared your bunch of grapes yet?
This is one of my favourite events of the year. The other day, a work colleague asked me if I was planning to follow the Spanish tradition of eating twelve grapes as the clock strikes midnight, and of course, my answer was yes.
(Just to let you know: this picture is not recent; I took it two years ago, but it perfectly matches today´s topic. It´s the clock at "la Puerta del Sol", the Sun´s Gate, from which the New Year´s Eve´s midnight strokes are broadcast every year).
There is a song by the Spanish band Mecano that perfectly illustrates the spirit of this night, so much so that the song itself has become part of New Year´s Eve traditions, at least within my family. Here are the verses that resonate most with me these days:
When preparing the grapes, we notice some new joiners, we will miss those who are no longer with us. And for those of us still alive, let´s get moving And get together in the coming year.
Have a happy transition from year to year; let´s celebrate our journey during 2024 and toast to a prosperous 2025. Cheers!
(This is a photo of a little fridge magnet nativity scene my mom gave us as a gift many years agoç, the three Wise Men are not in the picture but they`re on their way)
Let´s remember that this time of the year can stir things up and bring all kinds of emotions to the surface. There can be loads of happiness and excitement, especially if we have kids in the house or we´re reuniting with family and friends. But also, depending on the situation, there can be stress, sadness or melancholy, making it all a little bit harder. And to be honest, that idealized image of peace and love they sell us in movies doesn´t help.
Whatever your situation, please receive a big hug, together with my proposal for the next two weeks, a simple strategy we can summarize in three words: ACKNOWLEDGE, ACCEPT, and CHOOSE.
Acknowledge the moment we´re currently in (emotionally, mentally, in terms of physical health, etc.), and our expectations for this holiday season.
Accept that those expectations will most likely not be met; instead, there will be unforeseen events and other situations that won´t go according to plan.
Then, from there, choose how we want to approach these days, letting go of preconceived ideas about "what should be" and receiving, being thankful for, and living what is.
I personally choose to flow and enjoy the moment, perhaps changing traditions or creating new ones.
How about you? What do you choose for the coming days? Do you accept the challenge of spending this holiday season with more awareness and authenticity?
I remember that night fondly: the mix of emotions and expectations I felt while I strolled up and down the corridors of Rotunda, navigating contractions. I was incredibly lucky with the two midwives I got assigned; they were both Spanish (and both lovely), making me feel at home.
And just when I thought I wouldn´t be able to stand it any longer, Irene was born, shortly after midnight. Exhaustion, happiness, and a tea with toast that tasted like heaven to me (this is customary here in Ireland, tea and toast to recover after childbirth - surreal but really effective).
Our great adventure had just begun. A family. A new little person to love and take care of.
We had no idea what the future would bring, but regardless of that, we were willing to play our role as parents the best we could, and that´s what we did. And that´s what we´re still doing, with her and her sisters—making loads of mistakes, of course, and learning as much as they do, if not more. Your children are the best teachers you can ever get.
Eighteen years later, Irene has become an extraordinary young adult I´m immensely proud of: she´s kind, loving, funny, intelligent, responsible and much much more. Now it´s time for her to begin to let go of our hand and make some decisions by herself, starting with her choice of university and college degree. I´m entirely convinced that, whatever she chooses to do in life, she will be very successful.
Happy birthday, Irene; we love you loads, and we´re always going to be here to support you along the way. Big hug.
This past weekend, I met our family friends, Enrique and Blanca, here in Dublin. I´ve known them all my life; this was their first time in Ireland. I was looking forward to seeing them; we spent an evening together (thanks, guys!), and I also had the pleasure of showing them our house.
The thing is, when it comes to showing the house, the same thing usually happens to me (though I think I´m starting to get over it, or at least I hope so): I begin to make comparisons with the expectations in my head, or what I think other people´s expectations are, and then I start to think that the house could be cleaner, tidier, better organized, have better furniture, better interior design, etc., etc., etc.
So, before we get there, I feel the need to lower their expectations, and I explain that it´s not one of those beautiful houses you can show to visitors but a functional house to live in, and also, because children are living here, there´s a certain level of untidiness. People usually respond by downplaying the topic, saying things like, "Do you call this untidy? Then you should see my house.", which I feel grateful for. But the answer I got today was so much better, it was brilliant, I loved it:
"So then, what you have is not a house; it´s a home."
And they´re right, it´s true. My house is indeed very cosy and welcoming, and very comfy in its own particular way. It´s not by any means luxurious, but it is nice and spacious. It´s a place where one can relax and feel comfortable. And where anybody who comes in is not treated as a "visitor" but as one more member of the household.
Our house. Our home. Where we can be ourselves, recharge batteries, rest and enjoy.
I searched for quotes related to this topic, and leaving aside many clichés that I´m not going to repeat here, here are three phrases that caught my attention:
Home is a shelter from storms - all sorts of storms.
William J. Bennett
The magic thing about home is that it feels good to leave, and it feels even better to come back.
Exactly nineteen years and two days ago, I arrived in Ireland with the intention to stay. I had visited Dublin a few months before, but this time I was relocating indefinitely; I didn´t have a return ticket to Spain.
Back then, I was recently married and had been working in IT for just three years; we could say I had my whole life ahead of me. Up to then, my life had been quite predictable, but it was time to start a new adventure... Or rather, a lot of new adventures, one after the other. Adventures of many different kinds; some more predictable than others, some more challenging than others, and all of them profoundly enriching.
I´ve called them adventures, but maybe there´s a better word to define them: transitions.
(I took this photo while spending a lovely evening with my cousins at a beach in county Galway, I can´t remember the name of the beach, sorry)
The Oxford Dictionary defines transition as "The process of changing from one state to another", and some of its synonyms can be change, movement, transformation and metamorphosis.
Interestingly, a few days ago at work (thanks Naval!) information was shared about the importance of transitions in a person´s life. These are some conclusions by Bruce Feiler, author of the book Life Is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age:
We are likely to experience a new transition every 12-18 months.
Most transitions take at least three to five years to complete.
One out of every ten of them becomes a "lifequake" – a kind of earthquake that shakes up our whole life.
In the course of our lives we go through three to five of those "lifequakes".
53% are involuntary, which includes events like having a spouse cheat on you, losing your job or getting a medical diagnosis.
47% are voluntary, which includes you cheating on your spouse, you leaving your job to start a business or you choosing to move to a new country.
Interesting, isn´t it? Now looking back, I can identify a few of those "lifequakes" in my life, and it is true that you feel like your world is crumbling down, or at least, that everything is being shaken within you and around you. It makes you a bit dizzy.
Then little by little, as time goes by, everything starts to fall into place again; you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and end up coming out the other side feeling a bit stronger and also a bit wiser. That´s until next time of course, whether you like it or not, because transitions are an inevitable part of life.
So, what are the things that can help us to endure transitions better, especially the most radical ones? All the available tools and resources around personal development can be really helpful, and if you´ve been reading this blog for a while, hopefully you´ll have already identified a few of them (self-discovery and emotional intelligence are always an excellent starting point, as well as the stoic philosophy, and of course, coaching).
But on top of all those resources, there´s another factor that´s extremely important according to the experts (thanks Luis for this information). As explained by Robert Waldinger in his TED talk, a Harvard study that´s been observing individuals throughout their life (and measuring their happiness levels) for 75 years has resulted in the conclusion that, regardless of socioeconomic level and many other factors, the happiest individuals are, without a doubt, the ones that keep good relationships with other people.
In other words: the quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life. That´s it. As simple as that.
And I´m not just referring to your spouse/partner (on whom, by the way, we put too many expectations nowadays), but also your friends, your family... In summary, having a support network of loved ones with whom you can share your news, both happy and sad. It´s proven that it improves your mental, emotional and even physical health.
Looking back again, I realize that for each and every one of my "lifequakes", I´ve been lucky enough to count on lots of love and support from my family and friends, my loved ones. They felt my sorrows and also my joy; they listened to me and offered to help, and they trusted me even when they didn´t share my opinions or understand my decisions. All of that was incredibly helpful for me, it allowed me to continue along my path with relatively firm steps. And to be honest, I don´t know if I ever thanked them... A MILLION THANKS to all of you, from the bottom of my heart.
What about you? What "lifequakes" are you facing now, or have you faced recently? And who are you counting on to accompany you along the path, so that the trip gets a little easier?
From Monday to Friday I worked from our North Carolina office, connecting with my colleagues in person. This is a trip that I make once or twice a year, and it's always well worth it, even though it's also a bit exhausting, involving flights, jet lag and other adventures (even more this time round, including assorted delays and an airport power outage).
Then, on the way back, I had the incredible luck to be able to arrange a micro vacation: one day in Chicago! Twenty-four hours to walk around the city, and check whether I could remember anything from my previous visit, a gazillion years ago. I enjoyed it immensely.
In summary, it's been a very well rounded week. Although, as it often happens to me when I travel, there have been several aspects of my "battery management" that I have neglected quite a bit, three out of four to be precise (if you don't know what I'm talking about, have a look at this article).
Over the past few days I've eaten more poorly, had less time to rest and even forced my body a little bit, it's true. However, when it comes to the fourth category, connection, I got double points: I dedicated time to purposefully connect with others (that way strengthening personal and professional relationships), and more importantly, I dedicated time to reconnect with myself. And it did me a lot of good.
Now it's time to get back to a routine with the three first legs of wellbeing (rest, diet and exercise), if possible without losing the fourth one, connection, for if one leg fails, the whole table gets out of balance... Comments? Suggestions? How do you manage your own energy?
This weekend I´m in León, a city I´m very fond of. This morning, passing by the cathedral, I found myself looking at this statue again, I find it so interesting:
It´s a father admiring the cathedral (which, in fairness, is a beautiful, impressive building) and trying to get his son to admire it as well, and the son (maybe around seven or eight years of age?) is looking away, completely uninterested.
Does this ring a bell? How often do we get frustrated because our children (or other people) don´t do what we want them to do or don´t like the same things we like? Luckily, this dad doesn´t seem very upset; maybe he understands that, depending on our age and the stage we are in life, our priorities differ, and "visiting stones" (especially with your parents) is not very cool when you´re a child or a teenager.
I admit that I have loads of expectations for my daughters. Over the years, I´ve realised two things: one, that some of those expectations are reasonable and some are not, and two, that if I don´t communicate them clearly, I can´t expect my daughters to read my mind and just know... Even for things that I may consider obvious, because what´s important to me is not necessarily important for others, and that includes my daughters.
Generally, we parents all want our children to "behave themselves", but what does that mean exactly? How do we translate that into specific behaviours? "Behave yourself" is such a generic and vague expression that children don´t know what to make of it; it´s much better if we give clear instructions so they know what´s expected of them at each given moment. Then, as they grow up, our strategy as parents also needs to evolve: less instructions and more dialogue and negotiation. Some things will be negotiable, some will not; let´s be flexible in what we can, and they will be thankful for it, and then they´ll be more likely to listen to us when it comes to the important things, especially if they understand the why.
All this reminded me of a Mafalda comic strip that I always liked. The great Quino and his wisdom, as always:
Here´s the translation: Miguelito is saying this monologue, supposedly talking to his parents:
"Behave yourself!" "Behave yourself!" You cannot always behave yourself!
Every child in the world behaves well sometimes and badly sometimes!
Sure, wanting to be the parents of a child who never misbehaves is convenient!
Wanting to be the parents of a child who never gives them work is easy!
But it´s unsportsmanlike, and you should know that!
My cousin Nacho and his family are visiting us this weekend, so we´ve been doing plenty of touristy things around Dublin and nearby places; thanks, guys!
It had been years since the last time we got together—so many that our kids didn´t even know each other... And the joy we found was double: first, getting together ourselves and catching up, and second, seeing our kids hit it off, become a team and live a few adventures together (this photo is from our trip to Glendalough yesterday).
All this made me think about how cool it is to have cousins with whom you can share adventures and memories, regardless of whether they´re first cousins, second cousins, or "fake" cousins (for example, your parents´ friends´ kids, whom you may see more often than your real cousins).
So today´s post is a tribute to all our cousins and everything we´ve lived together:
A cousin is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost.
Marion C. Garretty
Thanks a million, Nacho, Natalia, Nachito, Rodrigo, Natalia, and Manuela, for all the memories we´ve created this weekend and for the ones yet to be created...
Today´s post is a bit melancholic, along the lines of "wow, time flies..."
It was John Lennon who said that life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. And even though we already know this, we still get surprised once in a while, don´t we? Suddenly we come across a photo, or we talk to a relative or an old friend, and memories come pouring through.
In the last two weeks, I´ve had plenty of those moments, and I didn´t hesitate to walk down memory lane. Sometimes, my daughters would get curious about the old times and ask questions, and I would take the opportunity to explain to them how my world was back when I was a child.
But the truth is that time goes on... I´m no longer a child, and the girls are also growing up quite quickly. Their older cousins, who were their age only a few years ago, are now adults and have their own lives. This realization encourages me to treasure even more our memories from all these years, and also to continue to create new memories, like the ones we´ve manufactured this summer so far:
Family reunions, goodbyes and welcomes. The wedding of the year! Dancing until sunrise.
A kayak trip in a hidden corner of Extremadura, guided by cousin Isabel.
BBQs and splashes, board games by the swimming pool, and camping outdoors for the bravest ones (thanks, Adrián!).
Supporting the Spanish squad together at the Euro cup, and celebrating victory with Eva´s super homemade dessert.
What about you? What memories have you manufactured lately? How do your summers sound and taste like?
Today I´m writing from my happy place, and luckily, I´m on vacation these days, so this is going to be a very brief post...
This is proving to be a summer of changes for me and my family. We´re beginning a new phase, which inevitably means another phase is ending.
In the space of two and a half years, my siblings and I have said goodbye to both our parents; they have now passed the baton to us, like we will someday pass it to our children as well.
And there´s no better place than here, where we´ve made so many good memories and watched so many sunsets (of which I don´t have any good photos, sorry) to confirm this quote:
“Sunsets are proof that endings can often be beautiful too.”
Beau Taplin
Thanks so much for everything, Mum and Dad. Now you´re together again, and we will always have you both in our hearts. Love you.
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