This last week just flew by, I can´t believe it´s already Sunday! And by the time you all get to read this, it will probably be Monday.
(Photo of a super cool clock located at the front of a pub at Dublin airport)
As usual, I´m quite busy these days, and I don't have the time to sit down and write a long article. But I do have time to share with you a quote precisely on this topic (in Spanish, it doesn´t sound as good as in English, but you get the idea, hopefully):
All we get is time and choices. Be wise with both.
Carson Anekeya
It makes you think, right? I would perhaps change it to "resources and choices", for at the end of the day, time is a resource, as they are for example our skills, our physical and mental capacity, our health and energy levels, and of course, other material and financial resources.
And the decisions we are constantly making, consciously or unconsciously, are related with the way in with we use those resources to satisfy our needs and wants. And that´s where two other keywords come into play, in my opinion: priorities and values.
Because, in reality, that lack of time we often complain about is nothing but a symptom. Our "time management" problems are, deep down, priority management problems, as very often our priorities are not clear, and we get carried away, struggling to comply with everything life puts in front of us, and getting exhausted along the way.
That´s why it´s so beneficial to carve out some of our precious time to sit down and reflect on our values, which are the real drivers behind our priorities. What do you consider most important in life?
Next week, I can explain a simple exercise to clarify values. Until then, if you´d like, I propose you take some time during the week to think about all the resources you have available to you (there is no better occasion to be thankful for them!) and observe the decisions you make in your day-to-day activities, digging a little bit deeper to discover the need or want hiding underneath them. Who knows, perhaps you will discover something surprising about yourself...
They say that if you have a friend, you have a treasure. And I would like to add: if you have a sibling, you have an even greater treasure. I´m extremely lucky in that I have not one, not two, but four siblings, two brothers and two sisters, all of whom I had the pleasure of spending time with this weekend.
Dear siblings, I´ve learned so much from all of you, and I have so many things to thank you for that I don´t even know where to start. Someday I´ll write down a list. For the moment, here are a couple of quotes on siblings that resonate a lot with me:
Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.
Sam Levenson
They say that no matter how old you become, when you are with your siblings, you revert back to childhood.
Karen White
To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.
Clara Ortega
Thanks so much, Javi, Ángel, Mamen and Cristina, for looking after me, teaching me and loving me always. Here´s to all of you, and also to our eldest brother, who loves us and looks after us from Heaven. Big hugs.
Are you currently enrolled in any interesting training courses?
I´m about to finish the first of three modules in a training path I´m absolutely loving (I´ll get into the details in a future article), and in May, I´ll resume another course I had to leave unfinished last year. Interestingly, my youngest daughter, who´s now ten years old, is very surprised at my willingness to keep taking course after course, and she asks me when I'm planning to stop...
I guess she finds it strange that someone would voluntarily decide to "keep going to school" when they could be doing something else. And now that I think of it, when I was her age, I was convinced that adults were really lucky because they didn´t have to do any homework! (Of course, I didn´t realize all the other implications of being an adult; I only saw that they had much more freedom to do "whatever they wanted").
(Photo of a mug I saw at our school, I found it very funny: "Keep calm and pretend it´s on the lesson plan").
To be fair, nowadays it´s a lot more common for us to continue our training in adulthood, both for personal and professional reasons. It´s what we call lifelong learning (translated into Spanish as "educación permanente"), and it´s tremendously helpful for a variety of things, some more obvious than others:
Expand our knowledge, acquire new skills, adapt to an ever-changing work environment.
Broaden our perspective, grow as professionals, and more importantly, evolve in our personal lives.
As if all that was not enough, lifelong learning has another huge benefit: learning new and interesting things gives us renewed curiosity; it helps us to stay motivated and active while exercising our minds, which in turn will help us to maintain good health and quality of life as we age.
Here are a couple of quotes to reflect on this topic, both from the same author: a self-taught thinker and philosopher who, despite never having attended college, went on to achieve a Nobel prize in literature.
In times of change, learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.
Eric Hoffer
The truly human society is a learning society, where grandparents, parents, and children are students together.
OK, so I´m back home, getting back to the routine (if there ever was one). As I imagined, the week-long work trip was well worth it, both professionally and personally.
(Photo of some lovely trees just outside the office I visited).
Now, it´s time for me to resume a few other things I´m doing that I want to bring to a close. And while thinking about that, I remembered this quote:
Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.
William James
Have you ever experienced that feeling of uneasiness when leaving tasks unfinished? Or maybe it was easier for you to notice the opposite: how good it feels to finally get them done. I read somewhere that each unfinished task we have takes away a small portion of our mental energy, as our brain is constantly remembering that it needs to finish it... Using the analogy of a computer or a mobile phone, it´s as if we had an open browser window for each pending task, consuming resources unnecessarily and slowing down the whole system.
In a way, it´s like an extended version of multitasking, which, as we already know, doesn´t really work.
And they don´t have to be big things, or even important ones. For example, today, I realized again that I have several unfinished books (due to reasons that are not relevant right now); I challenged myself to finish one of them (even if it was the shortest one), and I felt great when I accomplished that. Our unconscious mind doesn´t differentiate between big or small, important or trivial: each task we add to the list is one more burden, and each task we can tick off, an accomplishment.
By the way, you may be wondering: why do I have several unfinished books? Well, obviously, because I started reading them and never came around to finishing them, which brings me to the proposal I´d like to share with you today:
Stop starting, and start finishing.
I learned this phrase from an Agile coach a few years ago (thanks, Chris!). It´s a basic principle in certain work methodologies like Lean and Kanban, and it also works very well for Scrum (if you´re getting confused by all these strange words, don´t worry; you don´t need them to understand the idea).
The idea is very simple, yet very powerful: limiting the amount of work in progress at any given moment, so that you can focus your energy better and finish tasks more efficiently.
As I said, it´s a very simple idea; what´s not so simple is putting it into practice, among other reasons, because the motivation that often pushes us to get something started tends to dissipate afterwards and is no longer enough... (I´ll tell you more about motivation in a future article).
This is not a new idea; there´s a popular saying in Spanish that reads "quien mucho abarca, poco aprieta" ("if you hold on to too much, you lose your grip"), and in English we can convey a similar idea with "don´t spread yourself too thin".
What about you? Are there many things you have started and not finished? What can you tick off today so that your list gets lighter?
I think I´ve mentioned this before: I´ve been going through a really busy period at work, and this past week, to be honest, has been more of the same. Sometimes I get frustrated, because I see my day (or my week, or my month) flying past, and I find it difficult to carve out time and energy to make progress on my personal projects. Does this sound familiar?
I feel like I'm living in this kind of paradox where I´m simultaneously moving very fast and very slow: running at full speed in my day-to-day tasks, "playing Tetris with my calendar", like I told a colleague of mine the other day, and being super slow with other tasks I would like to dedicate more "bandwidth" to.
Luckily, the Universe keeps sending me clues and reminders every now and then, for example in the shape of quotes I come across during the week, which I can share with you all and reflect on here.
The first quote talks about going fast; I read it in English, and I loved it. The Spanish translation I found sounded a bit strange to me, so I wrote my own version, I hope it's easy to understand:
Beware the barrenness of a busy life.
Socrates
In a society where "being super busy" is seen as something positive, almost a sign of status, we sometimes forget that rushing not only leaves us physically and mentally exhausted, it also forces us to stay superficial. In order to be able to do a good job at a task requiring certain depth (reflection, creativity, focus...) we need to slow down, cut down the number of tasks and dedicate longer periods of time to them, without distractions. If we link this to the Eisenhower matrix we touched on a few weeks ago, the key is to leave more space for strategic tasks (important but not urgent) that help us to feel fulfilled and make progress towards our goals (starting with proper self-care), instead of spending so much time "putting out fires" (paying attention to whatever urgent things happen to be in front of us, whether they're important or not).
The second quote talks about going slowly, and you can say it louder, but not clearer:
Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
Chines proverb
We live in a society when immediacy rules. We're used to being able to get everything quickly, and we don't like waiting, so we have less and less patience, which can be problematic when it comes to setting medium/long term goals and working towards them. It's easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves with others who have already achieved it, or who are further along the same path.
Here's where I think it's important to remember the fable of the tortoise and the hare, which shows us how consistency and perseverance are much more important than speed. Moreover, depending on the type of "race" (or, now that I think about it, probably in all of them), crossing the finish line too soon is not such a good idea, because the learning and growth happen along the way, as one gets more and more experience.
So it´s OK to go slowly, it may even be best option. But what about standing still? My interpretation is that it´s a warning for us not to rest on our laurels, as the hare did in the story. Because when we stop walking towards where we want to go, we stagnate, we stop learning, and even if it seems like we´re staying in the same place, the reality is that we´re lagging behind.
(Photo of a street tribute to the hare and the tortoise from Aesop´s famous fable; I stumbled upon them while walking around in Boston years ago)
So, what about you? Do you feel a bit like a hare at the moment? Or maybe a tortoise?
...That yes, January can feel a little hard sometimes, but please hang in there, keep going. We´re nearly there, over the two-thirds mark now.
Just one more push, even if you don´t feel like it. Keep doing what needs to be done to get a little bit closer to your goals every day, even if they still seem very far away. Step by step, bit by bit, you will start seeing the results. And you will realize it was worth all the effort.
(Now I get to see this reminder every day; thanks, Merche! It says: all you need is focus, darling..)
So, for those moments when all you want to do is give up and get into hibernation mode, here´s another handy reminder:
Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.
This past weekend, I met our family friends, Enrique and Blanca, here in Dublin. I´ve known them all my life; this was their first time in Ireland. I was looking forward to seeing them; we spent an evening together (thanks, guys!), and I also had the pleasure of showing them our house.
The thing is, when it comes to showing the house, the same thing usually happens to me (though I think I´m starting to get over it, or at least I hope so): I begin to make comparisons with the expectations in my head, or what I think other people´s expectations are, and then I start to think that the house could be cleaner, tidier, better organized, have better furniture, better interior design, etc., etc., etc.
So, before we get there, I feel the need to lower their expectations, and I explain that it´s not one of those beautiful houses you can show to visitors but a functional house to live in, and also, because children are living here, there´s a certain level of untidiness. People usually respond by downplaying the topic, saying things like, "Do you call this untidy? Then you should see my house.", which I feel grateful for. But the answer I got today was so much better, it was brilliant, I loved it:
"So then, what you have is not a house; it´s a home."
And they´re right, it´s true. My house is indeed very cosy and welcoming, and very comfy in its own particular way. It´s not by any means luxurious, but it is nice and spacious. It´s a place where one can relax and feel comfortable. And where anybody who comes in is not treated as a "visitor" but as one more member of the household.
Our house. Our home. Where we can be ourselves, recharge batteries, rest and enjoy.
I searched for quotes related to this topic, and leaving aside many clichés that I´m not going to repeat here, here are three phrases that caught my attention:
Home is a shelter from storms - all sorts of storms.
William J. Bennett
The magic thing about home is that it feels good to leave, and it feels even better to come back.
Gratitude is a muscle that needs to be exercised every day if possible, and that requires a conscious effort to focus attention on the positive and helpful side in each situation. There may be moments, especially at the beginning, when it may be a bit hard (or even very hard) for us to find things to be grateful for, but the key is to keep looking and remember that there´s always, always, ALWAYS something, no matter how small and insignificant it may seem to us.
Or maybe the gift of the day comes in the form of teaching disguised as a challenge or difficulty, and it takes us a while to realize that. In any case, progressively, with time, patience and a lot of practice, more and more reasons to be thankful will appear, and we will feel more and more fortunate.
When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.
Shauna Niequist
Ready to start? It doesn´t have to be a very elaborate ritual; it may be as simple as asking yourself every night before bed, like I ask my daughters:what are grateful for today?
And here in this picture you can see my answer for today: I´m thankful for these three young ladies:
Last week I said I would comment on the difference between having to do something and choosing to do it. I was sure I had already blogged on this topic, but I haven´t been able to find the article, so here´s my reflection from today, at the risk of repeating myself.
Think for a moment about all the things you have to do today, or this week, or regularly as part of your day-to-day. If you have the time, sit down with pen and paper and write a list, as comprehensive as possible, starting each line with the words "I have to...".
Examples:
I have to get up early tomorrow.
I have to go to work.
I have to prepare meals.
(Photo of the sunrise from Adamstown station, on a day I got up early to take the train to Dublin).
Now read that list carefully.
How do you feel?
I remember doing this exercise a few years ago and feeling all those "I have to" as an enormous weight on my shoulders, like a giant boulder crushing me, giving me no alternative but to meet my obligations.
Because that´s the hidden assumption, that every "I have to" is an obligation. And spending one´s day meeting obligations is not only boring/stressful/depressing (choose the adjective you resonate most with), but it is also energy-draining, and, in the long term, simply exhausting.
But, what if we could think about those tasks in a way that motivated us, instead of getting us bored, stressed out or depressed?
Here´s where the transformative power of words comes into play. Because words matter, and they matter a lot. The ones we pronounce out loud and the ones we say to ourselves, which are our thoughts at the end of the day.
Now try writing the same list again, but instead of starting each line with "I have to...", start it with "I choose...":
I choose to get up early tomorrow.
I choose to go to work.
I choose to prepare meals.
Read this new list carefully. What do you think of it?
What you just did is turn every task from your day into a choice instead of an obligation. But just changing the words is not enough: we have to realize that we´re truly the ones deciding to do all of those things, the same way we choose not to do others. And then assume that responsibility.
Because even though it often seems like we have no other choice, the truth is, in the vast majority of cases (if not always), we actually do. So, the next step is to observe these tasks one by one, see what other options are available, and analyze the consequences (both in the short and long term) of each of those options. Am I willing to accept the consequences of not getting up early, not going to work, not cooking?
You may find that some of the tasks are not as indispensable as you thought; maybe they´re things you just keep doing out of inertia, without reflecting on whether they still make sense, or perhaps something someone proposed to you (or imposed on you) at some point and you just accepted without questioning. Giving yourself permission to choose something different from now on may lighten some of your load.
OK, that´s great, so what about the others? What about those tasks from the list for which choosing another option is not viable? What you can do in those cases is reestablish your motivation, your intention, the benefit that the task is going to bring you (or the damage it´s going to avoid):
I choose to get up early so that I can dedicate some time to myself, get organized and feel in control of my day (or alternatively: when I don´t get up early, I have to run around, I start my day already feeling behind and I get more stressed out, so I choose to get up early).
I choose to go to work to earn my salary and also to feel fulfilled and grow as a professional (or alternatively: if I don´t go to work, they will end up firing me, so I won´t be able to pay my mortgage or go on holidays, and I may not find another job I like, so I choose to go to work).
I choose to prepare meals so that my family and I maintain a balanced diet, stay healthy and have enough energy (or alternatively: if I don´t prepare meals beforehand, we´ll end up eating poorly, and we´ll have health problems down the line, so I choose to cook).
What do you think? Do you notice the difference between perceiving things as an obligation versus embracing them as our own choice?
Just one final comment: if you find that "I choose..." is too difficult for you to use, if it feels too forced to you, then another alternative to using "I have to..." can be simply saying "I´m going to...". This way, you don´t get stuck on whether you´re deciding for yourself or someone else is deciding for you: you´re going to do it, you get it done, and that´s it. Mission accomplished!
The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.
These past few days, I´ve been really busy at work and at home. Thankfully, most of it has been "good busy": exciting projects, interesting conversations, meetups with friends and family activities.
But it´s still very busy, considering I´m a rather quiet person (or at least, I instinctively seek peace and quiet). And it hasn´t been just a few days; more like weeks, even months... With no sign of easing off anytime soon.
Does this sound familiar to you?
On the one hand, I´m glad, since I find it much easier to stay active when there are "things to get done". On the other hand, I get the feeling that I´ve been waiting to get peace and quiet for months, and they don´t seem to be coming, so I´d like to slow down a bit to be able to keep a sustainable pace.
This morning, thinking about this, I remembered a phrase I used to resonate a lot with years ago; one that I choose to interpret today in a totally different way. It turns out I had already written an article on this quote, but I don´t care, I´m going to show it to you again:
God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.
Bill Watterson
(By the way, I never thought of researching the author, it turns out Bill Watterson is the creator of Calvin and Hobbes, a comic strip that´s been on my reading list for years; hopefully one day I´ll decide to go ahead and borrow the books from Fredi and the girls).
What do you think of this quote? I love it; I find this kind of subtle humour very smart. And way back when, it perfectly reflected my constant feeling of lagging behind, of spending my days running around getting things done and yet never getting to be fully up to date. Just thinking about everything I "had to do" was exhausting...
Today, fifteen years later and having a few more tools in my backpack, I decide to think about this topic in a way that gives me energy instead of taking it away:
Yes, I do lots of things every day, but I do them because I choose to (haven´t we spoken already about the difference between "having to" and "choosing to"? Well, there´s our topic for next week).
I´m no longer trying to do it all, because I´ve realized it´s just impossible.. I´ve learned to be more flexible and modify my plans according to the needs of the day and my priorities (more on priorities here)
Looking after myself and keeping my battery at full load is a mandatory element of my priorities list (when this is not true, things go from bad to worse).
Many of the things I do I feel excited about, and for the ones I´m not too keen on, remembering their purpose and why they´re important helps me get motivated.
Am I more productive nowadays, thanks to all this? To be honest, I don´t know; I´m not sure whether I´m achieving more or less than I used to fifteen years ago; my life has changed a lot since then. But I do know that I´m suffering way less, and I´m enjoying the journey way more, even though I still feel tired sometimes.
And what about falling behind? That´s always relative: what or who am I comparing myself to? In 99% of cases, an imaginary perfect version of myself that I´m never going to be able to reach... I´ll probably never be able to switch off that little inner self-critical voice completely, but what I can do is become aware of how unrealistic it is sometimes, and realize it doesn´t always deserve my attention.
Anyway, regardless of that, what this quote inspires in me as of today is a desire to live: there are many things I want to do, many projects I want to tackle, many goals I want to achieve, many meetups I want to enjoy. And that´s going to keep replenishing my vital energy (as long as God / the Universe agrees) to live for many, many years.
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