Today, I´m bringing you a quote that perfectly illustrates the weekend we just finished:
(This picture is not recent; it´s from a few months ago, but it´s an excellent match for today´s article)
We had visitors spending the weekend with us: my cousins, the Requenas, double the amount this time and accompanied by Grandad (the only ones who couldn´t make it were cousin Borja and his family; we missed you).
Sixteen people sleeping at home. Not bad, eh?
As you can imagine, it´s been a bit chaotic (or a lot). But I'm a lot less worried about that these days. I thin I´m progressively coming to terms with that chaos I used to fight against so much; I can manage it a lot better nowadays, and occasionally, I even enjoy it. Although, of course, under normal circumstances, I still prefer a minimum level of planning and organisation (otherwise, it wouldn´t be me).
This weekend, the chaos has definitely been worth it: it´s been wonderful for us to see each other again after all these years, to chat and spend time together, and for our kids to also meet in person. We improvised a lot, and we also laughed a lot, as it couldn´t be any other way. Thanks a million to Grampa Carlos for putting up with us all, to our "German" cousins Carlos (sr), Lourdes, Carlos (jr), Yago, Alonso and Celia, and of course, to our "Irish" cousins from Oranmore. See you soon.
Today we´re adding one more word to my special list of untranslatablesterms, which is more like a list of words and sentences for which the translation from Spanish into English (or vice-versa) is neither very accurate nor very elegant, in my opinion.
Today´s word is escarmentar, and it´s very closely related to learning. It basically means learning something the hard way: having a bad experience as a result of your behaviour or action that causes you to never feel like doing that thing again. For example, when you´re leaving the house, and you put your wallet in a pocket with no zip, making it easy for it to fall out, and later that day, you realize you´ve lost it...
The official definition from the Spanish RAE dictionary is "to learn from one´s experience or somebody else´s in order to avoid making the same mistakes". The translation into English that I´ve found is "in my opinion,", and yes, I understand it conveys broadly the same idea, but I don´t think the English phrase is as strong as our beautiful Spanish verb.
Interestingly, the RAE dictionary contains a second definition of "escarmentar" as a transitive verb: "to impose or apply a punishment to someone, or correct them with rigour due to them having committed a foul." It seems like, apart from learning the lesson for oneself, one can also teach lessons to others. I have to say I had never heard this second use of the word, and I´m unsure whether it´s widely used. But leaving linguistics aside, I don´t know up to what point this is really possible...
Up to what point can we learn from other people´s mistakes, or from the "lessons" some teach us in the hope that we will learn? My mum always used to say that nobody learns the lesson in somebody else´s head ("nadie escarmienta en cabeza ajena"), and I agree; I think this quote summarizes it really well:
We cannot teach people anything. We can only help them discover it within themselves.
Galileo Galilei
What about you, what lesson have you learned recently?
P.S.- This was one of the 30 quotes from my September challenge; we´re almost at the end! You can see them all on Instagram.
Have you ever done one of those 30 day challenges? They're a great way to get us motivated to establish or resume a habit, or to give your project a big push.
Right now I'm in the middle of my September challenge: sharing an inspirational quote or phrase every day through Instagram (and also Facebook), in Spanish and English.
Have you seen them? Which one is your favourite so far? And which others do you suggest me adding?
Here's today's quote:
The smallest deed is better than the greatest intention.
The other day, my friend and I were talking about the fact that the beginning of the school year and the beginning of the calendar year (which in Spain and Ireland coincide with September and January, respectively) are the two moments when many of us take time to plan and think about new projects, and we concluded that September is probably more productive than January in that respect.
That´s why I think this is the perfect moment to start a coaching process... What? You don´t know what a coaching process is? Well, honestly, that doesn´t surprise me; the word coaching services It is a very widely used term nowadays, but it doesn´t always have a clear meaning, which can lead to a lot of confusion. It´s often associated with mentoring or therapy; however, those concepts are widely different (this is explained here and here).
So then, what is coaching? We can start with the official definition by ICF (International Coaching Federation), which is the world´s institution of reference regarding coaching:
ICF defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential
What does this mean? It means that, for a certain period of time (a few weeks, a few months), the coach accompanies the client in their process of personal and professional growth (which always go hand in hand) and creates the appropriate environment to enable the coachee to make progress.
The starting point of a coaching process is defining a specific goal identified by the client: it can be a problem to solve, a goal to achieve, a challenge to overcome, a task or project to complete... The goal is important because it serves as a reference point: it allows the coachee to compare where they are with where they want to be in their chosen field or area. From there, the process consists of defining a plan, a path to get from here to there, and then starting to walk that path, making a firm commitment to do the necessary work.
It´s really important to get off to a good start with the coaching process by clearly defining the goal. But undoubtedly, the most interesting part is not whether the goal is achieved in the end or not, but everything that happens along the way. That´s where we see the magic, the growth and the evolution happen. But these things takes time; that´s why it´s a process, not a one-off session!
What happens along the way is that all kinds of things come up: surprises, unforeseen events, expected and unexpected results, internal and external obstacles... If you think about it, you´ll see that it´s normal. That´s how life works; we can´t control it, no matter how much we want to. And that´s what often makes us feel desperate and give up instead of continuing to pursue our goals. A good coach can help us, not just to navigate unexpected events more or less successfully, but even to make the most of them, learning from them and becoming stronger as a result..
With a coach´s expert facilitation, the client has the opportunity (as long as they take it seriously) to observe, reflect, and learn as they go along their path, and they will inevitably start to realise things. Eventually, as a result, as the client becomes more self-aware and gains clarity about their situation, they discover new perspectives, becoming capable of overcoming blockers and creating options and opportunities that didn´t exist before.
The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.
Marcus Aurelius
Would you like to start a coaching process with me, and discover the treasures hidden along the way?
Back to school? Already? Wow, the summer went by so fast...
OK, in Spain there's still some time left, but in Ireland, secondary schools are starting at the end of this week, and primary schools, the following week. After some well deserved summer holidays, in the Northern hemisphere it's time to ground ourselves again and make the necessary preparations for this new school year.
By the way, this back to school thing is not only for children: we adults are also about to start a new phase, a new school year. It's a good moment to think about beginning new projects, or maybe resuming some that we may have parked during the summer.
That's actually what I'm doing right now: taking advantage of this moment to set myself in motion again; I'll tell you more details next week. For now, here are a few quotes I'm finding really helpful to tackle my projects with more energy and excitement (and less perfectionism):
Success hinges less on getting everything right than on how you handle getting things wrong.
Michelle Russel
Until you cross the bridge of your insecurities, you can't begin to explore your possibilities.
Tim Fargo
If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything is ready, we shall never begin.
Ivan Turgenev
How about you? What do you want to achieve this school year? And when are you going to start working on it?
My cousin Nacho and his family are visiting us this weekend, so we´ve been doing plenty of touristy things around Dublin and nearby places; thanks, guys!
It had been years since the last time we got together—so many that our kids didn´t even know each other... And the joy we found was double: first, getting together ourselves and catching up, and second, seeing our kids hit it off, become a team and live a few adventures together (this photo is from our trip to Glendalough yesterday).
All this made me think about how cool it is to have cousins with whom you can share adventures and memories, regardless of whether they´re first cousins, second cousins, or "fake" cousins (for example, your parents´ friends´ kids, whom you may see more often than your real cousins).
So today´s post is a tribute to all our cousins and everything we´ve lived together:
A cousin is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost.
Marion C. Garretty
Thanks a million, Nacho, Natalia, Nachito, Rodrigo, Natalia, and Manuela, for all the memories we´ve created this weekend and for the ones yet to be created...
Today I´m writing from my happy place, and luckily, I´m on vacation these days, so this is going to be a very brief post...
This is proving to be a summer of changes for me and my family. We´re beginning a new phase, which inevitably means another phase is ending.
In the space of two and a half years, my siblings and I have said goodbye to both our parents; they have now passed the baton to us, like we will someday pass it to our children as well.
And there´s no better place than here, where we´ve made so many good memories and watched so many sunsets (of which I don´t have any good photos, sorry) to confirm this quote:
“Sunsets are proof that endings can often be beautiful too.”
Beau Taplin
Thanks so much for everything, Mum and Dad. Now you´re together again, and we will always have you both in our hearts. Love you.
A topic I´ve been meaning to write about, as I told you last week, is this idea of roots and wings.
I don´t remember when or where I heard this concept for the first time. What I do remember is that I thought it was a fascinating idea; back then, I asked my friend Oscar to draw an illustration to go along with a potential post on this topic. He replied by asking me to write the post first, for his inspiration, and things never went any further...
I believe today is the perfect day to finally write this post. Our "big little one" (my eldest niece, Ana) just got married; she just metaphorically flew the nest, and during the ceremony (which was beautiful by the way), the groom made a very emotional reference to the wings to fly and roots to return that their respective families had gifted them.
Searching the internet, I find it was Goethe who said there are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children: roots and wings. This makes me reflect on my own roots and wings, for which I´m forever grateful to my family, and also on the roots and wings I´m making a daily effort to pass on to my daughters. They are growing up in a different country, far away from most of their family, and to me, it´s essential that they integrate their Irish and Spanish sides, for them to find stability and strength in knowing who they are and where they come from, and be empowered to take their own steps in life with confidence.
Here is a picture representing my roots, my childhood´s "happy place", and another one that somehow represents my wings: the path I´ve walked on my own, the places I´ve reached ant the ones I will reach in the future.
(Apologies Ana and Javi for being a bit of a copycat showing the sea, it´s just that I also happen to live on an island 😉 )
Also on the internet, I´ve bumped into several quotes and poems on this topic, and I´ve chosen these two from the same author, I hope you like them:
The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.
Dennis Waitley
Roots and wings, by Dennis Waitley
If I had two wishes, I know what they would be I’d wish for Roots to cling to, and Wings to set me free; Roots of inner values, like rings within a tree, And Wings of independence to seek my destiny.
Roots to hold forever to keep me safe and strong, To let me know you love me, when I’ve done something wrong; To show me by example, and help me learn to choose, To take those actions every day to win instead of lose.
Just be there when I need you, to tell me it’s all right To face my fear of falling when I test my wings in flight; Don’t make my life too easy, it’s better if I try, And fall and get back up myself, so I can learn to fly.
If I had two wishes, and the two to make me happy And they could be granted by my Mum and Dad; I wouldn’t ask for money or any shop bought things, The greatest gifts I’d ask for are simply Roots and Wings.
Beautiful, isn´t it? How about you? What symbols or images represent your roots and wings?
P.S.- Congratulations Ana and Javi! You´re a living example of what it means to have roots and wings. I love you lots.
This week, making the most of the good weather we´re having, I went for several walks, either by myself or accompanied (thanks, Helen!). And during one of those walks, I got to see this beautiful tree again, a tree I´ve photographed a few times already:
Interestingly, a couple of days later (in the most unexpected place, a shopping centre), I bumped into a quote also on the topic of trees:
Be like a tree, stay grounded. Connect with your roots. Turn over a new leaf. Bend before you break. Enjoy your unique natural beauty. Keep growing.
Joanne Raptis
What do you think? What´s your favourite line?
Each of these thoughts deserves its own article, and maybe one day I´ll sit down to write them all. What I´ve also been wanting to write for years is a post entitled roots and wings. For the moment, though, if you feel like reading more, there´s also this one: like branches of a tree.
One of the things I love about my job is that I occasionally get to deliver a talk or workshop about a professional development topic, which also ends up being a personal development topic, as both go inevitably hand in hand.
This week, for the second year in a row, I got the chance to contribute to my company´s internship program (an intern role would be similar to a “becario” in Spain) with an interactive session on one of my favourite topics: emotional intelligence.
Summarising very briefly, emotional intelligence can be defined as the ability to:
Recognise, understand and manage our own emotions, and
Recognise, understand and influence the emotions of others.
It may sound a bit odd to you, us talking about emotions in a professional setting… Well, as it turns out, your “emotional quotient” (or EQ) often matters more than your intelligence quotient, especially at work.
Why? Because at the end of the day, above all else, we are human beings, we are people. And even though we get the impression that work is about tasks, processes, systems, programs and the like (or whatever is relevant depending on your job), deep down, it’s always about people, directly or indirectly - colleagues, bosses, clients, suppliers, users, patients or whatever they may be. We are always dealing with people, starting with ourselves.
The good news is that emotional intelligence can be trained, and it produces double benefits, personally and professionally. In either domain, the more you get to understand yourself and those around you better, the more you’ll be able to progress in life. It’s that simple.
In the 7th episode of Reprogram your life we looked at how emotions generally work, what the main emotions are (the so-called universal emotions), and the specific message that each of them conveys. Today I´d like to share with you a very useful technique to manage those moments when the emotion shows up: the acronym is STOP.
S for Stop– Literally! Stop what you’re doing for a second.
T for Take a breath (or take a step back) - Take a moment to breathe consciously. In and out.
O for Observe – What are you feeling right here and now? What’s that emotion (name it), and what is it telling you? What’s the message?
P for Proceed – Once you’ve received the message, what do you want to do with it? How do you want to respond to this situation?
This technique helps us to create a bit of space between the emotion, which is spontaneous and we can´t control, and the actions that follow the emotion, which we do have the ability to control, but only if we snap out of auto-pilot in order to choose more consciously. Managing our emotions appropriately will allow us to respond to situations instead of reacting to them, and consequently get better results, both for us and for those around us.
This quote from Viktor Frankl explains it beautifully:
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
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