Gratitude is a muscle that needs to be exercised every day if possible, and that requires a conscious effort to focus attention on the positive and helpful side in each situation. There may be moments, especially at the beginning, when it may be a bit hard (or even very hard) for us to find things to be grateful for, but the key is to keep looking and remember that there´s always, always, ALWAYS something, no matter how small and insignificant it may seem to us.
Or maybe the gift of the day comes in the form of teaching disguised as a challenge or difficulty, and it takes us a while to realize that. In any case, progressively, with time, patience and a lot of practice, more and more reasons to be thankful will appear, and we will feel more and more fortunate.
When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.
Shauna Niequist
Ready to start? It doesn´t have to be a very elaborate ritual; it may be as simple as asking yourself every night before bed, like I ask my daughters:what are grateful for today?
And here in this picture you can see my answer for today: I´m thankful for these three young ladies:
Last week I said I would comment on the difference between having to do something and choosing to do it. I was sure I had already blogged on this topic, but I haven´t been able to find the article, so here´s my reflection from today, at the risk of repeating myself.
Think for a moment about all the things you have to do today, or this week, or regularly as part of your day-to-day. If you have the time, sit down with pen and paper and write a list, as comprehensive as possible, starting each line with the words "I have to...".
Examples:
I have to get up early tomorrow.
I have to go to work.
I have to prepare meals.
(Photo of the sunrise from Adamstown station, on a day I got up early to take the train to Dublin).
Now read that list carefully.
How do you feel?
I remember doing this exercise a few years ago and feeling all those "I have to" as an enormous weight on my shoulders, like a giant boulder crushing me, giving me no alternative but to meet my obligations.
Because that´s the hidden assumption, that every "I have to" is an obligation. And spending one´s day meeting obligations is not only boring/stressful/depressing (choose the adjective you resonate most with), but it is also energy-draining, and, in the long term, simply exhausting.
But, what if we could think about those tasks in a way that motivated us, instead of getting us bored, stressed out or depressed?
Here´s where the transformative power of words comes into play. Because words matter, and they matter a lot. The ones we pronounce out loud and the ones we say to ourselves, which are our thoughts at the end of the day.
Now try writing the same list again, but instead of starting each line with "I have to...", start it with "I choose...":
I choose to get up early tomorrow.
I choose to go to work.
I choose to prepare meals.
Read this new list carefully. What do you think of it?
What you just did is turn every task from your day into a choice instead of an obligation. But just changing the words is not enough: we have to realize that we´re truly the ones deciding to do all of those things, the same way we choose not to do others. And then assume that responsibility.
Because even though it often seems like we have no other choice, the truth is, in the vast majority of cases (if not always), we actually do. So, the next step is to observe these tasks one by one, see what other options are available, and analyze the consequences (both in the short and long term) of each of those options. Am I willing to accept the consequences of not getting up early, not going to work, not cooking?
You may find that some of the tasks are not as indispensable as you thought; maybe they´re things you just keep doing out of inertia, without reflecting on whether they still make sense, or perhaps something someone proposed to you (or imposed on you) at some point and you just accepted without questioning. Giving yourself permission to choose something different from now on may lighten some of your load.
OK, that´s great, so what about the others? What about those tasks from the list for which choosing another option is not viable? What you can do in those cases is reestablish your motivation, your intention, the benefit that the task is going to bring you (or the damage it´s going to avoid):
I choose to get up early so that I can dedicate some time to myself, get organized and feel in control of my day (or alternatively: when I don´t get up early, I have to run around, I start my day already feeling behind and I get more stressed out, so I choose to get up early).
I choose to go to work to earn my salary and also to feel fulfilled and grow as a professional (or alternatively: if I don´t go to work, they will end up firing me, so I won´t be able to pay my mortgage or go on holidays, and I may not find another job I like, so I choose to go to work).
I choose to prepare meals so that my family and I maintain a balanced diet, stay healthy and have enough energy (or alternatively: if I don´t prepare meals beforehand, we´ll end up eating poorly, and we´ll have health problems down the line, so I choose to cook).
What do you think? Do you notice the difference between perceiving things as an obligation versus embracing them as our own choice?
Just one final comment: if you find that "I choose..." is too difficult for you to use, if it feels too forced to you, then another alternative to using "I have to..." can be simply saying "I´m going to...". This way, you don´t get stuck on whether you´re deciding for yourself or someone else is deciding for you: you´re going to do it, you get it done, and that´s it. Mission accomplished!
The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.
In theory, WordPress is clever enough to detect your browser language and display the most appropriate page for you, but if, for whatever reason, the page displays in the wrong language, you can always change it by clicking on the little flag on the website´s top right corner (once you get there from LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram or wherever you see the article link)
I´m saying all this because the other day, I was talking to a work colleague, and he said something like: "I saw that you write articles on LinkedIn, but they´re mostly in Spanish, aren´t they?" I hastily replied that it wasn´t only in Spanish but in English too... In fact, this is something I´m quite proud of: writing in the two languages so that anyone who wants to read me can do so. and also because I enjoy both the writing and the translating. Writing each article takes me a little longer, but it pays off big time.
Because the advantages of being bilingual (going back to the title of this article), regardless of whether you´re a blog or a person, are many. The most obvious one is that you can communicate with many more people, and that in itself is enriching and broadens your horizons.
But beyond that, another advantage that´s fundamental in my opinion is that you have more options, both when understanding others and when expressing your own ideas. Each language has its own vocabulary, patterns and grammatical structures, and when we learn it, we´re literally learning new ways of thinking. We´re making our brains work differently
And that opens the door to new resources, because, at the end of the day, we cannot avoid thinking in words: language is the tool we use to make sense of everything that happens within and around us. That´s why words are so powerful, because they´re not just words... They´re the filters and lenses that conform our present reality, and the bricks we use to build our future reality.
What about you? What languages do you know? And what new ways of thinking have you learned from them?
S.S.- As I hinted last week, I have news! From Monday, September 2nd, I´m opening up slots for new coaching and personal development processes. Do you have a clear idea of the changes / projects you want to tackle this school year? Do you accept the challenge of leaving excuses aside and really getting started now? It´s the perfect moment, contact me, let´s talk about it..
This week I participated in a choir performance at work, as we do sometimes for events organised in the office. It was great fun, I really enjoyed it, as usual.
Among others, we sang a song I have mixed feelings about: on the one hand, I really like it, I think it´s beautiful, and I´ve contemplated multiple times writing about it here, as one of the "conscious songs" I mention every now and then (examples here, here and here). But, on the other hand, some portions of the lyrics I´m not a huge fan of, starting with the title: You gotta be..
Here´s a video with the lyrics in English and Spanish, and further down I´ll tell you my thoughts on what I like best (and what I don´t like) about this song, written and sang by Des´ree.
Translation note: the line that says "stay together" was translated as "permanecer juntos", which doesn´t make sense in the context of the song; I think it refers more to the idea of "keeping it together", which we can translate as "mantener la compostura".
What do you think? This song encourages us to cheer up and be brave, and at the same time, embrace and even show our vulnerability (for those with Enneagram knowledge, it sounds like a very "eight-ish" song to me :-)).
I really like how it encourages us to learn from our parents, but then emphasizes the importance of having our own point of view when facing challenges, and taking the necessary time to get to understand the mysteries of life.
All good up to here. But now, what I´m not a big fan of is the chorus; I think it´s because of the way it´s written, not as a suggestion but as an order: you gotta be tough, you gotta be bold, you gotta be strong...
As if it was mandatory.
As if it was the only valid way of being in this world.
A world in which, by the way, you have to move quite fast; otherwise you will be left behind.
If I read this song carefully, I get the feeling that it was written (with the best intentions, for sure) by a person who understands life as some kind of fight. So, logically, if life is a fight, of course you have to be tough, bold and strong to be able to get ahead; weakness is not an option.
But let´s remember there are infinite ways of perceiving and understanding life, as well as ways of being in this world, and this is just one of them.
Personally, I don´t resonate with the concept of life as a fight, so in my world, being strong is not very important. Much more important, for example, is the topic of doing the right thing, which is why I resonate more with the part about learning from our parents (and initially, following their rules) and then developing our own criteria to guide us going forward.
In any case, You gotta be is a really cool song, in my opinion; it´s uplifting and empowering, and it definitely gives us food for thought. But above all, I agree with its last line, that´s the absolute winner in my view:
All I know, all I know, love will save the day.
What do you think? What parts of the song do you resonate with (or don´t)?
Have you ever heard about the Golden Rule, and its reverse, the Silver Rule? I´m sure you have, though perhaps you were not aware this is what they´re called.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you (treat others the same way you would like to bet treated). Does this sound familiar? Well, this is the Golden Rule, a moral principle that´s present in virtually every culture, philosophy and religion in the history of Humanity.
And if we formulate this same idea in a negative form, it becomes the Silver Rule: do not treat others the way you would not like them to treat you..
It makes sense, doesn´t it? It´s a very simple rule, really easy to understand even for small children, especially in this second version. "OK sweetie, do you like it when the other kids hit you or take away your toys? Then don´t do it to them..." (typical parent´s speech, it never goes out of fashion).
Using videogames as a metaphor, it just came to my mind that the so-called Silver Rule would be the most basic level of "doing good deeds", the beginners level: do no harm to your neighbour.
Later on, as we grow and mature, we can proceed to the intermediate level: the Golden Rule, where the goal is no longer just not to leave the other person worse than you found them, but to leave them in a better state. Do you want people to value you, listen to you, help you? Then, behave the same way when you´re interacting with others (regardless of the result).
But, did you know there´s an even more advanced level of this metaphorical "doing good deeds" videogame? I bumped into it this week, it´s called the Platinum Rule: treat others the way THEY would like to be treated..
They. Not you.
That´s a very high standard, isn´t it? Because, how am I supposed to know how the other wants to be treated? I´m going to have to make an effort to get to know them well, snapping out of my own self-centeredness, leaving aside my preconceived ideas and truly tuning into what they consider important. That´s the only way.
What do you think? What level do you see yourself at right now? Do you accept the challenge of following the Platinum Rule?
A few days ago I did a comparison of Easter traditions with my friend Stephanie, who´s from Ronamia, and we realised there were big differences, starting with the fact that the dates for Catholic Easter and Orthodox Easter are calculated differently, as the former follows the Gregorian calendar, and the latter, the Julian calendar.
But even between countries with a Christian non-Orthodox majority of population (Catholics, Anglicans and other Protestant groups), traditions also vary widely, and I get the impression that those variations have more to do with geography and history than the specific flavour of Christianism practiced there.
For example, when I moved to Ireland, I remember being really surprised at the fact that there were no processions here, despite this being a traditionally Catholic country, like Spain. Out of curiosity, I just asked Google what other countries apart from Spain do processions (parades carrying sculptures of Jesus, the Virgin Mary, the Saints, etc.), and the answer was Italy (where we probably got them from, as we did with Nativity scenes), Israel (probably where the original processions took place, in the Holy Places) and several Latin American countries (exported by us Spaniards).
In other locations around the world, like the rest of Europe and the English speaking countries, Easter eggs are the most popular feature, and that´s also true here in Ireland. However, rather than painting real eggs in colourful tones as they do in Romania and many other places, the Irish are more prone to spending their time eating chocolate eggs, after having given up on chocolate and sweets during Lent.
Which brings me to the other question I had to ask Google today: why eggs, precisely? Well, it turns out eggs were always a symbol of fertility and new life, since the old times of Greeks and Egyptians, and from there, they became a symbol of spring. Then, with the arrival of Christianity, eggs became a symbol of Christ´s resurrection, and given that the Church forbade eating eggs during Holy Week, people started decorating them, so that enjoying them on Easter Sunday was an even bigger celebration.
Another detail I find interesting is the origin of the words we use to name this festivity. In Spanish we call it Pascua, in reference to the Jewish festival of Passover, "the passing of the Lord", marking the liberation of the Jewish people from slavery in Egypt. Jesus´s last dinner with his disciples on Holy Thursday was a celebration of the Jewish Passover, so the word got transferred to our Resurrection celebration as well, through Latin and Greek.
But in English, in contrast, the word Easter has a completely different origin: the Christianization of the pagan festival of spring, dedicated to goddess Eostre. Eostre was a goddess worshipped by the Anglo-Saxons, and when the Christian missionaries arrived a the British Isles at the beginning of the Middle Ages, they thought it would be easier to evangelise the land if they adopted the existing religious celebrations, giving them a new Christian meaning.
As you can see, some celebrations originate from others, but at the end of the day, all of them (including the Jewish Passover) were, and still are, celebrations of spring. And they´re not the only ones: about a week ago, we celebrated the Hindu festival of Holi; the festival of colour, love and spring, an explosion of laughter and colour.
And so, we confirm once again that in this life, some themes are universal, and the different cultures and nations express them in different ways: if back in the autumn, when the days were getting shorter, traditions spoke to us about spirits, ghosts and the triumph of light over darkness, now in spring, when the days finally star getting longer again, we celebrate the return of life and the triumph of good over evil.
What about you? What traditions do you follow at this time of the year? How do you celebrate the arrival of spring?
Once again, Sunday comes along and I sit down to write the article of the week, mentally going over the past seven days. To be honest, this last work week was extremely busy with travelling, going to the office and doing various tasks, plus dealing with a passing virus at home, so I was very much looking forward to Saturday and Sunday, to have the chance to "laze around".
Although, as it happens, there were things to do also during the weekend, starting with a 6 AM trip to the airport on Saturday morning to give my eldest daughter a lift...
Under normal circumstances, I would have taken advantage of the early morning start and continued doing "productive" things all day, but given that I know this often leads me to ending up feeling as tired on weekends as I am on weekdays (if not more), this time I intentionally decided to take breaks throughout the day to rest and relax. And I remembered once again that question my friend Marilyn asked me a couple of years ago, not long after we first met:
Hey, when do you usually stop?
I remember being really surprised by this, as I was completely unaware of this behaviour of mine. But her question was an eye opener; from that moment on, I started watching myself, and I discovered that she was spot on: very often I would go the whole day without stopping. How could I not end up tired? I my head there was always a long list of to-do´s, even if I reduced it to what I considered the bare minimum.
Once we become aware of a certain behaviour, we have the power to change it if we want, for example if it´s going to have damaging consequences in the long term, like working too much, or not resting enough.
And how do we go about changing it? Well, by digging a bit to find out what beliefs are hiding behind that behaviour, based on clues from the language we use, from the way we talk to ourselves.
In the specific example from above, the clue is in the words "laze around". Unconsciously, my mind thinks: if I´m lazying around, it´s because I´m a lazy person. But I don´t want to be a lazy person! I want to be productive, and useful to society. So I mentally kick myself, I tell myself: "do something useful", and then that´s what I do, "productive" and "useful" things, one after the other, one day after another, until I reach my limit.
Does that help me? Not at all, because even though I´m achieving things in the short term, it´s not a sustainable approach in the long term. At some point one has to rest, switch off and enjoy life a little, otherwise there can be very serious consequences. So here´s where I have to change my mindset and realise that rest is not laziness, it´s self-care, and that self-care is absolutely indispensable in order to have a good life.
Furthermore, it´s only when we take care of ourselves (through diet, exercise, rest, connecting to ourselves and others...) that we have enough energy to keep going and help those around us, so my initial goal of being a productive person, useful to society, ends up being achieved in a much better way with this indirect approach, and with the added bonus of enjoyment along the way.
What about you? How good are you at taking a well deserved break every now and then? I hope you find time during this Easter/Spring break to switch off and take care of yourself, in whichever way you see fit.
Today I'm bringing you a selection of sayings and blessings from the vast repertoire of Irish tradition, some of which are better known than others.
Here's the most widely known blessing, to begin with:
May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, The rains fall soft upon your fields, And, until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
Given Ireland's religious history, it's not surprising to see God appearing as a recurring theme, in combination with beautiful metaphors and a good dose of humour:
May the Lord keep you in His hand and never close His fist too tight.
If God sends you down a stony path, may He give you strong shoes.
God is good, but never dance in a small boat.
Continuing with the metaphors...
When the roaring flames of your love have burned down to embers, may you find that you’ve married your best friend.
As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty.
Friendship is another main theme, highly valued by the Irish:
May your home always be too small to hold all your friends.
May you always find three welcomes in life. In a garden during summer, At a hearth during winter, And in the hearts of friends throughout all your years.
Then there are these sayings I love for their timeless wisdom dressed in simplicity:
May you get all your wishes but one, so you always have something to strive for.
Here's to a fellow who smiles when life runs along like a song. And here's to the lad who can smile when everything goes dead wrong.
You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.
When a twig grows hard it is difficult to twist it. Every beginning is weak.
And my favourite phrase:
I complained that I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Irish saying
Well, I hope that you liked these sayings, and that you enjoyed the most Irish day of the year. Here are two bonus blessings to wrap it all up:
May you always have work for your hands to do. May your pockets hold always a coin or two. May the sun shine bright on your windowpane. May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain. May the hand of a friend always be near you. And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, the foresight to know where you're going and the insight to know when you're going too far.
Today´s post is going to be quick, without thinking too much 😀
This term is included on my list of untranslatables, not for having a particularly complex meaning, but for being such a simple, clear and elegant word in English:
Overthinking.
The Spanish version would be something along the lines of "pensar demasiado", "pasarse de pensar", or if we want to summarize in a single word, "sobrepensar"... All of these sound much clumsier to me than the original, but you get the idea, right?
This word fills my mind with memories from years ago: long evenings and nights playing board games, and almost every time, there was a friend (or it could be two, or three) taking foreeeeeeeeever to decide their next move... The rest of us would quickly start to sing "OOOOOO-VER-THIN-KER" following the notes from Movierecord, to hurry them up.
Well, this week Instagram showed me a phrase on this topic that I thought was absolutely brilliant:
OVERTHINKING = UNDERACTING
So true. When we devote ourselves to thinking too much, we inevitably end up doing too little... Or nothing at all, which is even worse.
And that approach prevents us from moving forward. Going over a problem in our head doesn´t solve anything; it's only by taking action that we can change things and make real progress. So let's take action once and for all, and whatever happens, happens.
What about you, what's been on your mind lately? What's that thing you've been thinking too much and doing too little about? And when are you going to wake up and take action?
I´ve realized I frequently judge how well my day went based on how productive it was... Or rather, on how productive I was. Does this sound familiar?
Productivity is a topic I´ve always been interested in; in fact, it´s what first brought me to the personal development world. I remember the old times when I used to search for tips and strategies to stay on top of my never-ending to-do list. And I did find a few tools that helped me, but only to a certain extent.
Because in reality, what was happening to me was much more complex than I thought. As it's usually the case.
That´s why in coaching we like probing and digging a bit beneath the surface, because often times the "problem" our client is coming with is just a symptom of a deeper conflict or imbalance, which they themselves are unaware of. For example, time management issues tend to reflect underlying priority management issues, and procrastination may be caused by conflicting values or priorities.
A widely used coaching technique consists of asking questions like the one at the beginning of this article: "What does X mean to you?" This may seem silly, but at the end of the day, words are symbols we use to represent things, and when we´re discussing relatively abstract terms, our thoughts are much more complex than the words we use to describe them. Breaking down the word´s meaning and explaining it out loud (or in writing) can help us to make very interesting discoveries.
For example, the concept of productivity is linked to the action of "producing", and I´ve realized I used to believe that a person could only be productive when they were "producing" something tangible, something measurable. When I started my professional career, first as a programmer and later on as a systems analyst, it was easy for me to determine whether I was being productive or not, for I had documents, diagrams and lines of code as proof. Then as I progressed to a different kind of role, the game rules suddenly changed: there were more meetings and less defined tasks, and I found myself a bit lost; very often I would get to the end of the day with a feeling of not having contributed at all.
Then slowly but surely, I started adapting and evolving my definition of productivity. It took me years to get rid of the idea that the time I spent "chatting with people" (= at meetings, especially 1:1s) didn't count as work, because I wasn't producing anything. Now I know that talking to my colleagues and fostering work relationships not only it's not a waste of time, it's actually an essential part of my job, and it makes a huge difference in terms of pushing projects forward. Now that I know the transformational power of a good conversation, it's one of the things I enjoy the most.
And what about outside of work? Well, I've realized that this constant need to produce has a lot of weight in my personal life as well, so I still find it difficult to prioritize rest, leisure and self-care at the same level of importance as other things that "must be done". Without even noticing, I fill up my evenings and weekends with tasks to be completed, so that at bedtime I can say it was a productive day... But the good news is that now I'm aware of it, and I'm working on balancing it out, also being careful not to fall into the guilt trap.
What do you think? Is productivity important to you? And how do you measure it?
English (UK) 
Español