I like this image showing a blank notebook and a pencil, I think it's an excellent metaphor for this time of the year:
What are your plans for the next twelve months? In this article I put forward two alternatives to the usual new year´s resolutions (which, being realistic, sound great but are destined never to be achieved). Today, I´m adding one more suggestion, something I heard last year but haven´t put into practice until now.
It's choosing a word as the theme for the year, something we want to focus on. This way, we create a common thread for our goals, using the word as a reminder and a source of motivation.
I´ve already chosen mine for 2025; would you like to hear it?
Drum roll...
For me, 2025 is the year of...
DECLUTTERING*
(*Explanatory note for the English version: there´s no direct Spanish translation for decluttering, which is a word I love in English and that I was sure I had included it in the list of untranslatables; apparently not, so I have a future article pending on that topic.)
So this is it! The theme for this year at our house, and not only for me; I´ve also recruited the girls. During 2024, for various reasons, we accumulated loads of things at home and didn´t get a chance to do any proper decluttering. Now is the time to free up space, and let the old go so that the new can come in.
What about you? What word do you choose? It can be anything that resonates with you and that you want to take as a priority this year. Let me know in a comment, and I´ll be delighted to read it.
Last week I said I would comment on the difference between having to do something and choosing to do it. I was sure I had already blogged on this topic, but I haven´t been able to find the article, so here´s my reflection from today, at the risk of repeating myself.
Think for a moment about all the things you have to do today, or this week, or regularly as part of your day-to-day. If you have the time, sit down with pen and paper and write a list, as comprehensive as possible, starting each line with the words "I have to...".
Examples:
I have to get up early tomorrow.
I have to go to work.
I have to prepare meals.
(Photo of the sunrise from Adamstown station, on a day I got up early to take the train to Dublin).
Now read that list carefully.
How do you feel?
I remember doing this exercise a few years ago and feeling all those "I have to" as an enormous weight on my shoulders, like a giant boulder crushing me, giving me no alternative but to meet my obligations.
Because that´s the hidden assumption, that every "I have to" is an obligation. And spending one´s day meeting obligations is not only boring/stressful/depressing (choose the adjective you resonate most with), but it is also energy-draining, and, in the long term, simply exhausting.
But, what if we could think about those tasks in a way that motivated us, instead of getting us bored, stressed out or depressed?
Here´s where the transformative power of words comes into play. Because words matter, and they matter a lot. The ones we pronounce out loud and the ones we say to ourselves, which are our thoughts at the end of the day.
Now try writing the same list again, but instead of starting each line with "I have to...", start it with "I choose...":
I choose to get up early tomorrow.
I choose to go to work.
I choose to prepare meals.
Read this new list carefully. What do you think of it?
What you just did is turn every task from your day into a choice instead of an obligation. But just changing the words is not enough: we have to realize that we´re truly the ones deciding to do all of those things, the same way we choose not to do others. And then assume that responsibility.
Because even though it often seems like we have no other choice, the truth is, in the vast majority of cases (if not always), we actually do. So, the next step is to observe these tasks one by one, see what other options are available, and analyze the consequences (both in the short and long term) of each of those options. Am I willing to accept the consequences of not getting up early, not going to work, not cooking?
You may find that some of the tasks are not as indispensable as you thought; maybe they´re things you just keep doing out of inertia, without reflecting on whether they still make sense, or perhaps something someone proposed to you (or imposed on you) at some point and you just accepted without questioning. Giving yourself permission to choose something different from now on may lighten some of your load.
OK, that´s great, so what about the others? What about those tasks from the list for which choosing another option is not viable? What you can do in those cases is reestablish your motivation, your intention, the benefit that the task is going to bring you (or the damage it´s going to avoid):
I choose to get up early so that I can dedicate some time to myself, get organized and feel in control of my day (or alternatively: when I don´t get up early, I have to run around, I start my day already feeling behind and I get more stressed out, so I choose to get up early).
I choose to go to work to earn my salary and also to feel fulfilled and grow as a professional (or alternatively: if I don´t go to work, they will end up firing me, so I won´t be able to pay my mortgage or go on holidays, and I may not find another job I like, so I choose to go to work).
I choose to prepare meals so that my family and I maintain a balanced diet, stay healthy and have enough energy (or alternatively: if I don´t prepare meals beforehand, we´ll end up eating poorly, and we´ll have health problems down the line, so I choose to cook).
What do you think? Do you notice the difference between perceiving things as an obligation versus embracing them as our own choice?
Just one final comment: if you find that "I choose..." is too difficult for you to use, if it feels too forced to you, then another alternative to using "I have to..." can be simply saying "I´m going to...". This way, you don´t get stuck on whether you´re deciding for yourself or someone else is deciding for you: you´re going to do it, you get it done, and that´s it. Mission accomplished!
The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.
Exactly nineteen years and two days ago, I arrived in Ireland with the intention to stay. I had visited Dublin a few months before, but this time I was relocating indefinitely; I didn´t have a return ticket to Spain.
Back then, I was recently married and had been working in IT for just three years; we could say I had my whole life ahead of me. Up to then, my life had been quite predictable, but it was time to start a new adventure... Or rather, a lot of new adventures, one after the other. Adventures of many different kinds; some more predictable than others, some more challenging than others, and all of them profoundly enriching.
I´ve called them adventures, but maybe there´s a better word to define them: transitions.
(I took this photo while spending a lovely evening with my cousins at a beach in county Galway, I can´t remember the name of the beach, sorry)
The Oxford Dictionary defines transition as "The process of changing from one state to another", and some of its synonyms can be change, movement, transformation and metamorphosis.
Interestingly, a few days ago at work (thanks Naval!) information was shared about the importance of transitions in a person´s life. These are some conclusions by Bruce Feiler, author of the book Life Is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age:
We are likely to experience a new transition every 12-18 months.
Most transitions take at least three to five years to complete.
One out of every ten of them becomes a "lifequake" – a kind of earthquake that shakes up our whole life.
In the course of our lives we go through three to five of those "lifequakes".
53% are involuntary, which includes events like having a spouse cheat on you, losing your job or getting a medical diagnosis.
47% are voluntary, which includes you cheating on your spouse, you leaving your job to start a business or you choosing to move to a new country.
Interesting, isn´t it? Now looking back, I can identify a few of those "lifequakes" in my life, and it is true that you feel like your world is crumbling down, or at least, that everything is being shaken within you and around you. It makes you a bit dizzy.
Then little by little, as time goes by, everything starts to fall into place again; you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and end up coming out the other side feeling a bit stronger and also a bit wiser. That´s until next time of course, whether you like it or not, because transitions are an inevitable part of life.
So, what are the things that can help us to endure transitions better, especially the most radical ones? All the available tools and resources around personal development can be really helpful, and if you´ve been reading this blog for a while, hopefully you´ll have already identified a few of them (self-discovery and emotional intelligence are always an excellent starting point, as well as the stoic philosophy, and of course, coaching).
But on top of all those resources, there´s another factor that´s extremely important according to the experts (thanks Luis for this information). As explained by Robert Waldinger in his TED talk, a Harvard study that´s been observing individuals throughout their life (and measuring their happiness levels) for 75 years has resulted in the conclusion that, regardless of socioeconomic level and many other factors, the happiest individuals are, without a doubt, the ones that keep good relationships with other people.
In other words: the quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life. That´s it. As simple as that.
And I´m not just referring to your spouse/partner (on whom, by the way, we put too many expectations nowadays), but also your friends, your family... In summary, having a support network of loved ones with whom you can share your news, both happy and sad. It´s proven that it improves your mental, emotional and even physical health.
Looking back again, I realize that for each and every one of my "lifequakes", I´ve been lucky enough to count on lots of love and support from my family and friends, my loved ones. They felt my sorrows and also my joy; they listened to me and offered to help, and they trusted me even when they didn´t share my opinions or understand my decisions. All of that was incredibly helpful for me, it allowed me to continue along my path with relatively firm steps. And to be honest, I don´t know if I ever thanked them... A MILLION THANKS to all of you, from the bottom of my heart.
What about you? What "lifequakes" are you facing now, or have you faced recently? And who are you counting on to accompany you along the path, so that the trip gets a little easier?
This weekend at home, we´ve been talking about university courses. Irene, my eldest daughter, is finishing secondary school this year, so it´s time for her to choose what she wants to study, and her sister Alicia will be in the same situation in just two years.
(This photo is from Maynooth University, which is close to our house. It´s a modern university, though it also has some older buildings. I walked around the area a few days ago, and I really liked the atmosphere.)
In fairness, choosing a college course is a turning point in a teenager´s life; it may even be the first big decision many of them face. And it can be quite an overwhelming process, filled with doubt and uncertainty. Those with a clear first option will feel pressured to get the necessary marks, and they may obsess over whether they will get in or not. But what about those who don´t even know which way to go? Even more doubts, pressure and stress, trying to sort out their thoughts and choose wisely.
Because, the thing is, whatever you study in college will determine your professional life once you´re done...
All of this reminds me of the presentation I gave last year on career paths (you can read the articles here and here), where I tried to calm down the kids to an extent in that regard. When it comes to important decisions like this one, it´s natural to feel the need to get it right and find the perfect solution, in this case, choosing the ideal career path... But the reality is that we don´t have all the information, plus things don´t depend solely on us, plus the perfect solution as such doesn´t exist; what does exist are different options that will give us different results and learnings..
Luckily, nowadays, choosing a particular career or profession doesn´t necessarily mean getting stuck there for life: reinvention is very common, due to people´s own will as well as the evolution of job markets. So, in. my opinion, the most important thing is to get started somewhere (if possible, doing something you like and/or you´re good at), do your best, learn a lot, gain experience, and then, if needed, start making adjustments as you make progress.
Just to be clear, I´m not saying you should reinvent yourself and change your career path every ten minutes, OK? You will need a bit of patience and perseverance to be able to learn everything that each phase has to teach you.
And the good thing is that all the knowledge, experience and skills that we acquire in each phase we integrate without noticing, and that makes us better professionals, even if, at first sight, it may seem like some items are not relevant or not applicable to the new position or situation..
Let me give you a couple of examples from my own career path, to see if they help to make it clear:
In college, I studied Computer Engineering; thanks to that, I learned programming, and even though programming was not my favourite activity in life (it wasn´t my hobby the same way it was for some of my friends), I was relatively good at it. My first few jobs once I finished college were as a software programmer.
When I moved to Ireland, I also started working as a programmer, but as time went by, a few junior engineers joined my team. Over time, I started programming less and less and doing more and more analysis tasks (that is, understanding how the system works and what updates are required to do whatever is needed for each project).
The following company that hired me (the one I´m still working for) hired me directly as a Systems Analyst.
Typically, Systems Analyst tasks include:
Gathering all the user or client requirements to add functionality to a system
Documenting the system´s current state (as-is)
Defining the future state, once the new functionality is added (to-be)
Specify the required changes to move from current state to future state, and
Work with the development team to implement said changes.
Years later, I discovered coaching, a discipline that doesn´t seem to have anything to do with systems analysis... Until we start looking at the steps of the GROW model (the most widespread model in coaching) in detail:
Goal – Define the goal: what do you want to achieve?
Reality – Explore reality, how are things right now, in relation to the goal?
Options – List your options: what could you do to make progress towards your goal?
Will or Way forward – Action plan: what are you going to do, where are you going to start?
Well, it turns out that (in general terms, and being mindful of the differences) the structure of a coaching session is not that different from the steps you follow before modifying a webpage, for example. And the structured and analytical mind I got from all these years of working as a Systems Analyst gave me a great foundation to manage my coaching sessions skillfully.
And I´ve noticed another parallel:
Beyond individual sessions, let´s remember that coaching is, first of all, a process:
At the very beginning, an overall goal (the process goal) is established, and it is defined as precisely as possible.
Then, in each session, we identify a specific topic to work on (the session goal) related to the overall goal, and a new action plan is defined.
This way, each session involves taking another step towards the overall goal, evaluating the results from the previous step and course-correcting as often as needed.
This could be compared to the way we work in Technology with Agile methodologies, for example, Scrum:
Each project or initiative represents a goal: implementing certain functionality in the system.
The team defines, for each work cycle (in Scrum this is called sprint, a set time period, for example, two weeks), a partial goal in relation to the whole effort, based on the number of tasks they estimate they can finish in the allocated time.
At the end of each sprint there´s a follow up on the work, the team reflects on what worked well and what didn´t, what they were able to finish and what they weren´t, the necessary adjustments are made, and the next sprint is planned.
I hope these examples illustrate a bit of what I want to convey with this post: that many of the things we learn in certain contexts can be really useful resources in other contexts, and that even if we don´t "get it right" the first time with our career path, we´ll be learning and evolving regardless, so we won´t be wasting time at all, on the contrary.
What´s your opinion on this? What skills do you have now, thanks to previous jobs or projects?
The other day, my friend and I were talking about the fact that the beginning of the school year and the beginning of the calendar year (which in Spain and Ireland coincide with September and January, respectively) are the two moments when many of us take time to plan and think about new projects, and we concluded that September is probably more productive than January in that respect.
That´s why I think this is the perfect moment to start a coaching process... What? You don´t know what a coaching process is? Well, honestly, that doesn´t surprise me; the word coaching It is a very widely used term nowadays, but it doesn´t always have a clear meaning, which can lead to a lot of confusion. It´s often associated with mentoring or therapy; however, those concepts are widely different (this is explained here and here).
So then, what is coaching? We can start with the official definition by ICF (International Coaching Federation), which is the world´s institution of reference regarding coaching:
ICF defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential
What does this mean? It means that, for a certain period of time (a few weeks, a few months), the coach accompanies the client in their process of personal and professional growth (which always go hand in hand) and creates the appropriate environment to enable the coachee to make progress.
The starting point of a coaching process is defining a specific goal identified by the client: it can be a problem to solve, a goal to achieve, a challenge to overcome, a task or project to complete... The goal is important because it serves as a reference point: it allows the coachee to compare where they are with where they want to be in their chosen field or area. From there, the process consists of defining a plan, a path to get from here to there, and then starting to walk that path, making a firm commitment to do the necessary work.
It´s really important to get off to a good start with the coaching process by clearly defining the goal. But undoubtedly, the most interesting part is not whether the goal is achieved in the end or not, but everything that happens along the way. That´s where we see the magic, the growth and the evolution happen. But these things takes time; that´s why it´s a process, not a one-off session!
What happens along the way is that all kinds of things come up: surprises, unforeseen events, expected and unexpected results, internal and external obstacles... If you think about it, you´ll see that it´s normal. That´s how life works; we can´t control it, no matter how much we want to. And that´s what often makes us feel desperate and give up instead of continuing to pursue our goals. A good coach can help us, not just to navigate unexpected events more or less successfully, but even to make the most of them, learning from them and becoming stronger as a result..
With a coach´s expert facilitation, the client has the opportunity (as long as they take it seriously) to observe, reflect, and learn as they go along their path, and they will inevitably start to realise things. Eventually, as a result, as the client becomes more self-aware and gains clarity about their situation, they discover new perspectives, becoming capable of overcoming blockers and creating options and opportunities that didn´t exist before.
The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.
Marcus Aurelius
Would you like to start a coaching process with me, and discover the treasures hidden along the way?
In theory, WordPress is clever enough to detect your browser language and display the most appropriate page for you, but if, for whatever reason, the page displays in the wrong language, you can always change it by clicking on the little flag on the website´s top right corner (once you get there from LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram or wherever you see the article link)
I´m saying all this because the other day, I was talking to a work colleague, and he said something like: "I saw that you write articles on LinkedIn, but they´re mostly in Spanish, aren´t they?" I hastily replied that it wasn´t only in Spanish but in English too... In fact, this is something I´m quite proud of: writing in the two languages so that anyone who wants to read me can do so. and also because I enjoy both the writing and the translating. Writing each article takes me a little longer, but it pays off big time.
Because the advantages of being bilingual (going back to the title of this article), regardless of whether you´re a blog or a person, are many. The most obvious one is that you can communicate with many more people, and that in itself is enriching and broadens your horizons.
But beyond that, another advantage that´s fundamental in my opinion is that you have more options, both when understanding others and when expressing your own ideas. Each language has its own vocabulary, patterns and grammatical structures, and when we learn it, we´re literally learning new ways of thinking. We´re making our brains work differently
And that opens the door to new resources, because, at the end of the day, we cannot avoid thinking in words: language is the tool we use to make sense of everything that happens within and around us. That´s why words are so powerful, because they´re not just words... They´re the filters and lenses that conform our present reality, and the bricks we use to build our future reality.
What about you? What languages do you know? And what new ways of thinking have you learned from them?
S.S.- As I hinted last week, I have news! From Monday, September 2nd, I´m opening up slots for new coaching and personal development processes. Do you have a clear idea of the changes / projects you want to tackle this school year? Do you accept the challenge of leaving excuses aside and really getting started now? It´s the perfect moment, contact me, let´s talk about it..
This past Friday, I had the privilege of participating in an internal discussion panel organised by my company (thanks, Sonia!), with the theme "coaching & mentoring at all levels". It was a really interesting conversation: two other colleagues shared their vast experience around the topic of mentoring, and I contributed with my point of view from the field of coaching.
The words coaching and mentoring are often used together, especially when talking about work and the enterprise, and sometimes, it´s not too clear what each of them is; that´s why we started by explaining the differences.
A mentor is someone with experience and a reputation in a particular profession, job role or field of work. They are further along the path the mentee is now beginning to walk, and with the years, they have become a subject matter expert, so they can guide the mentee and give them advice, sharing their knowledge, experience and wisdom.
Mentorships often extend over time, eventually becoming a long-term relationship. Typically, the mentor has a more senior position than the mentee, so there´s an element of hierarchy in the relationship. The usual topics of discussion are either relevant to their shared profession or related to career growth, navigating the workplace, networking, etc.
In contrast, a coach isn´t necessarily knowledgeable in the coachee´s professional field; a coach is someone who has received formal coaching training and has experience and a reputation in coaching, having become an expert in accompanying their clients in the process of defining their own objectives and finding their own answers and solutions.
The relationship between coach and coachee is one of partnership, not hierarchy, and the topics of discussion are chosen by the coachee according to what they consider most important and relevant along the process. Typically, each coaching engagement relates to a specific goal or objective and has a well-defined beginning and end. The duration of the engagement is variable, from a few weeks to several months.
And this brings us to what in my opinion is the fundamental difference between coaching and mentoring: while your mentor guides you and gives you advice, the coach´s job is not to give advice, they´re not going to tell you what to do.
In coaching, it´s all based on firmly believing that the coachee is a creative and resourceful person who already has (or can obtain) all the resources they need to be able to achieve their goals and overcome the challenges in front of them. It´s the coachee who´s an expert in their own life and, deep down, knows what they want, what is best for them and what works best for their particular case. Therefore, the coach´s job is to create an environment of trust and safety to encourage the coachee to be curious, explore, and open up to new possibilities, allowing the answers to bubble up to the surface.
As you can see, there are quite a few differences between these two disciplines, though it makes sense to mention them together when discussing professional development, as they complement each other perfectly in that field. Your mentor inspires you with their example and shares their expertise and practical wisdom with you; a coach serves as your mirror, your sounding board, and helps you to look inward and decide your next steps by following your own compass.. Needless to say, none of them is going to do the work for you; that´s impossible. It´s still your journey, your career, your life, and it´s up to you to do your part to make the most of it.
So what do you think? What do you need at this moment of your life? Mentoring? Coaching? Or maybe both?
(If you found this article interesting, you may also like this other one, where I explain the difference between coaching and psychotherapy)
If you´re into productivity and personal development, then you´ve probably seen multiple times a matrix that´s used to categorize tasks based on their level of urgency and importance (and if you haven´t, I encourage you to search for it, it´s called the Eisenhower matrix, and it´s a great tool to help establish priorities).
Well, let me say that this week, I´ve had the luxury of dedicating my time to truly important things, not necessarily urgent ones.
Things that matter.
People who matter.
Moments, places and memories that matter.
No, I haven´t been spending my days doing jigsaws. This photo is not recent; it was taken a few months ago.
This jigsaw was a birthday present from my daughters, and it took us a couple of weeks to finish it; we all collaborated. I´m showing it here as an example of the idea I´m trying to convey to you: intentionally dedicating time to people and things that truly matter. For, as you´ve probably been able to verify, when you don´t set an intention, the urgent things (regardless of whether they´re important or not) end up consuming all your available time.
But the thing is, how do you find out what truly matters? The key to this is that the answer is not the same for everyone; it will be slightly different for each person because everyone´s priorities and preferences are different, even though there are certain more or less universal themes we can all relate to.
At the end of the day, it´s all about identifying our values: the fundamental principles we consider most important, the ones that guide us in our day-to-day decisionsEach of us needs to decide which values best suit us based on who we really are and what we want to experience and foster in our lives. This often involves reflecting on whether we´d like to keep the values we inherited from our family or society or add, remove, or change some of them.
The reward for doing this work of clarifying our values is being able to make more conscious and consistent decisions, as well as realizing when we're getting into an internal conflict, for example, when we hold contradictory values (either inherited or acquired) that put us in a crossroads situation, or when we act in a way that satisfies others, or that´s theoretically "the right thing to do", but that somehow violates our core values and makes us feel bad. Acting in alignment with our values allows us to live in peace with ourselves..
Ready to start? Here´s a very straightforward yet powerful exercise:
Search for a values list (the internet has loads) and choose the ones that most resonate with you, between five and ten.
You can ask yourself: What´s been most important in your life? What´s most important now? What else?
Write them down in a list format.
Those are going to be your core values.
You can ask yourself: What needs to happen for me to feel that this value is being fulfilled in my life? What needs not to happen? Am I making it easy or difficult for me to fulfil this value?
Establish a value hierarchy, that is, put them in order of priority.
This step is essential to be able to make clear decisions when two or more values are in conflict.
A way to do this is to compare them two by two, writing a line next to the value you consider most important in each case: comparing the first one with the second one, the first one with the third one, the first one with the fourth one, and so on; then the second one with the third one, the second one with the fourth one, etc., until all of them have been compared to all of them.
If you find it hard to decide, consider specific examples or extreme situations. For example, if you´re comparing freedom to harmony, would you rather live in a world where everyone is free but without harmony at all? Or in a harmonious world where nobody is free?
Rewrite your list, numbering the values.
Place the value with the most lines first, then the second one after it, and so on until the end.
Review your list and double check you´re happy with it.
Does it resonate with you as it is? Does it feel yours? Or does it need changes?
I hope these steps help you to clarify your values; you may even surprise yourself. Also, if you want, feel free to contact me and I´ll tell you what´s on my own list...
Facebook reminded me today that I took this picture about three years ago. This was the first picture I uploaded to my Instagram account:
I have very good memories of that day. The weather was amazingly good, and the girls and I met our friends, "the Txemas" (Bea, Txema and Alan, our best friends here in Ireland) to go for a nice walk together, around Killiney hill and its nearby beach.
But there´s another reason why I´m excited to see this photo. This week also marks the third anniversary of me rescuing the BinaryWords website from oblivion, cleaning its cobwebs and resuming the blog writing, setting up this very same picture as the header image.
Back then, in May 2021, I was in the middle of rethinking what to do with my life. The pandemic had brought me two presents in the form of a change in perspective and plenty of time to think, and I had come to the conclusion that I wanted to reinvent myself; I wanted a job that truly fulfilled me and allowed me to provide more value to others. But I had no idea what that job could be.
That´s when I decided to take action, to start walking, even if I didn´t have a clear idea of where exactly I was going. I remember doing an online course to clarify my thoughts and find my purpose, my ikigai. And while I didn´t find it straight away, the course was useful in that I was able to put together a list of things that I liked and that motivated me, and that I was relatively good at. So I set out to do more of those things, enjoy them, and trust that the path would eventually start to appear.
And what were those things? Writing. Translating. Learning about personal development. Sharing with others what I learned.
So I promptly got to work; I configured the BinaryWords website as bilingual Spanish-English, and wrote the first article in the blog´s new reincarnation: This is your life.
They say that, very often, asking the Universe for things is not enough; we also need (in Sergio Fernández´s words) "to seal our thoughts with an action", that is, to do something in the direction of the goal we want to achieve, to make it clear to the Universe that that´s what we really want, and allow it to start opening doors for us and helping us along the way.
Well, in tis case, a few days after I resumed the BinaryWords project, I "coincidentally" came across a YouTube video about coaching, something that I didn´t even know existed, but that ended up being a total game changer for me (if you can ever refer to one single thing or event as "the game changer" for a person; I tend to think it´s all a lot more gradual...)
Three years later, I feel a lot more aligned to my professional purpose, even though I still have a long path ahead of me. I´m still learning loads every day (for as we know, this is a journey that never ends), and I´m getting more and more opportunities to share knowledge and experiences with others. For this blog in particular, in three years I´ve written around 160 articles with my reflections on a variety of topics, which you can explore in the archive.
What about you? Where were you three years ago? What ideas and thoughts were crossing your mind? And what has changed for you since then?
No, this article is not about William Shakespeare, although I may end up writing about him someday...
Todays article is about that question we all ask ourselves (or should) at some point in our lives, and which, depending on the circumstances, can be either really easy or really difficult to answer:
Who are you?
I´ve mentioned before in this blog that each person is like an iceberg; this metaphor is often used to explain the neurological levels model created by Robert Dilts, which I briefly describe in this article.
And it´s at one of the deepest levels, deep down the iceberg, where we find the concept of identity.
Who we are. Or who we believe to be, just like the title of that TV programme (an excellent one, by the way) where different celebrities traced the steps of their ancestors: Who do you think you are?
The truth is that this topic of identity is quite complex. Or I should say identities, plural, because we don´t have only one, we have many, and some of them change over time. For example: I am Beatriz, I´m Galindo and I´m García. I´m BinaryBea, female, forty-something, European, Spanish, Extremaduran (from the Extremadura region), from Cáceres (no translation for "cacereña"!), expat, Spaniard in Ireland, Dublin based, computer engineer, coach, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, friend, workmate, classmate, neighbour, student, homeowner, divorcee, reader, blogger... And so on and so forth.
As you can see, some identities may contain others, overlap with them, or even contradict them, which can originate situations of internal conflict, existential dilemmas and self sabotage. It can also happen that, when one of those identities changes or disappears, we find ourselves lost and disorientated, like for example, going through a divorce or being laid off: if I can no longer define myself as X person´s spouse / Y company´s employee / you name it, then, who am I? It´s as if our chair had become wobbly, having lost one of its supporting legs, and we need to invest time and effort in stabilizing it again.
All of this is on my mind today because last Friday I heard a beautiful poem from Erin Hanson, entitled: Not:
You are not your age, nor the size of clothes you wear, You are not a weight, or the color of your hair. You are not your name, or the dimples in your cheeks. You are all the books you read, and all the words you speak. You are your croaky morning voice, and the smiles you try to hide. You’re the sweetness in your laughter, and every tear you’ve cried. You’re the songs you sing so loudly when you know you’re all alone. You’re the places that you’ve been to, and the one that you call home. You’re the things that you believe in, and the people whom you love. You’re the photos in your bedroom, and the future you dream of. You’re made of so much beauty, but it seems that you forgot When you decided that you were defined by all the things you’re not.
And the following day, on Saturday, the Universe played this song for me on the radio, to follow along with the theme: The Logical Songby Supertramp - here it is with subtitles in English and Spanish.
What about you? Do you already know who you are, or do you need someone to tell you?
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